Serge Benhayon was a 44th birthday gift – literally…
To an observer, my ex and I fitted the ‘picture perfect’ – a sweet home in affluent and beautiful north-west London, lots of lovely friends (with a splash of celebrities to boot), gorgeous children, a selection of classic Jaguars, regular ski trips to Klosters throughout the year, lengthy annual sunbathing in Monaco… a picture worthy of envy, even from the contented.
A day before I turned 44, I was on the phone to a close friend spilling my woes down the electronic lines because my relationship had been falling to pieces, as was my inability to stay in or out… the ‘can’t do with him, can’t do without him’ syndrome. “You may want to go and see this guy, Serge Benhayon,” a friend suggested. She also added that Serge was not everyone’s cup of tea, because what he presented could push people’s buttons.
So when asked what gift I wanted for my birthday I requested an opportunity to meet Serge Benhayon. This humble, meticulous and purposeful man would turn out to be instantaneously very much my cup of herb tea!
My partner and I had sessions with Serge and attended various healing courses. Our lives changed for the better, as did our communications. And then as a matter of course, the relationship came to some sort of breaking point where a deeper commitment to true love, which resembles not emotional love but a greater dedication to each other, to our families and to our friends, in fact, all with whom we come in contact, was the next evolutionary step in our “I do” vows: commitment to which we responded differently and so parting became inevitable; as did unfortunately the employment of legal eagles.
I began to harbour resentment and even fury towards the very man with whom I had spent a decent chunk of my life and raised four children with, someone I had held on a pedestal. Every nucleus of my being knew that it was wrong to have those feelings but I seemed to have no memory of another way of being.
Frequently at relationship dissolution stage lots of finger pointing and blame throwing in each other’s courts occurs and we put this type of behaviour down to ‘human nature’ – a cheap and easy route to bid farewell, instead of taking personal responsibility in the melting of our relationship.
What I have discovered with the helping and caring hand of the most amazing of practitioners, Serge Benhayon, is that feelings of anger, rage, resentment and fury are all results of our own choices and not some random, ‘outside of ourselves’ ploy over which we have no control.
I came to know in my bones that all the fury was self-fury, all the resentment my own bitter pill. I wanted things to be different which caused deep resentment of the past and frustration at the time. Aided by Serge’s wisdom and the discovery of true self-love, I also discovered the extent to which I had chosen to not live true love in my life.
I turned to Serge, as I would have to a wise, supportive and all knowing father and the support that consistently came back is what I shall treasure for eternity, yet something I did not always appreciate at the time, simply because Serge’s responses didn’t always match my expectations. Rather, I was looking for Serge to say; “Oh, yes, it’s terrible what He is doing… Yes, you are right Dragana… Poor you… it’s not your fault etc.” I wanted sympathy and I wanted empathy and lorry loads of both, but zilch of this calibre came from the great man and equally great practitioner that Serge Benhayon is. On the contrary!
Serge kept gently and tenderly reminding me that it is not about what percentage of the assets I get, but that it is about standing still and presenting (ONLY) in and from Love that which is true. That I should make it about Love – love for myself and love for my partner, love for All. That I should take it easy on myself and learn “that when I self-love, each error builds greater wonders ahead.” That if I didn’t make it about love, even with the man I am sitting on the opposite side in the court of law from, it would be my failing . . .
On one occasion and at the peak of my ‘court room dramas’, when Serge was presenting in England, I happened to walk in on the middle of a healing session exchange between students. Serge stood at the back of the room, and so as I stepped in I found myself standing next to him. He was sharing with everyone how infrequently we tell people that we truly love them and how important it is to actually verbalise it.
When he switched off his mike he turned gently towards me, and quietly, ‘out of the blue’ affirmed: “You Do Love Simon – you know that.”
Streams of tears rolled down for a few reasons: I knew I felt genuine love for the man I called my husband, but acknowledged my many unloving acts, thoughts, expressions towards him and the magnitude of the fact that Serge would be the one to remind me of that love in the midst of our court case. That Serge NEVER took sides, that he NEVER said a word, not a single letter to inflame, but did everything to show me that the only way in life is with True Love.
That someone can feel that level of Love for EVERY human being is unheard of and colossal.
And so when our first hearing ended up in my favour, there was no fist punching in the air, no hats thrown up and no feeling that I was the gold medal winner. No triumph, just a natural contentment that truth and love were reflected in the judge’s verdict.
A few months later when our family home acquired a new owner and all our assets had been split amicably, we stood outside by our removal vans and we hugged goodbye. Not your ordinary and not your typical forgive-and-forget type parting, but an amazing, true happy ending. Nothing left unclear, untidy or unsaid.
With Serge Benhayon’s tremendous support I stood there with the utmost understanding of the wisdom he so often shared with me in person and online: “… that every relationship is but an opportunity, a possibility and not a given in any way”.
That I am to hold a consistent way of being that only reflects truth, and brings true love, which will always be there for another as something to pull back towards when the other person’s ready. That this will eventually become something all of us will never leave in ourselves.
One day, when we are All ready…
That my separation ended on such a harmonious and exceptional note for all parties involved, something incomprehensible to many, I have only ONE man on Earth to thank: an out of this world practitioner – Serge Benhayon. Through him I have learnt that Love counts even in Separation!
My gratitude is oceans’ deep for all that Serge Benhayon is and the immensity that he brings.
This piece was approved and published with the consent of my former partner, who I hold in my heart.
Thanks Dragana, as well as marriage separation there are also the difficulties with family, colleagues, friendships, and community members, so that ability to be and hold love and make it everything about love, despite what may be happening in our relationships, is certainly something to feel inspired by. The ups and downs don’t have to be inside us even if they are happening around us. Serge certainly reflects that this unconditional love is possible, I’m not there myself but I appreciate reading this today to remind me what’s possible, and to look at where I hold that love back.
The absolute truth is that we can never ever separate from love because love is the building block from which we and everything else has been made but what we can do and do do is we actively participate in ways of being and thinking that result in us not being able to feel the love that we fundamentally are, to such an extent that we feel utterly devoid of love.
We have such set ideas about what things are and what they should be and this locks us in to certain outcomes. It would be interesting to see how the world would be transformed if we held the view that everything should be about love, first and foremost.
Ah Dragana, your example has taught many around you. Your wisdom and commitment are out of this world, I can read this story again and again and pick out a new learning every time. There is strength in what you’ve written, a strength in the way you have written it – with honesty, from the heart.
Until I met Serge Benhayon I considered it normal that I behaved differently at different times and toward different people. I imagined that people and situations were the cause of my emotions, and when triggered I was justified to behave however that emotion played out. He has shown by personal example and has supported me to also know that nothing less than love is ever the truth of our expression regardless of what situations I might find myself in.
Everything is either a reflection of the love that we are or the love that we’re not.
There is no where that love can’t be.
“That I am to hold a consistent way of being that only reflects truth, and brings true love, which will always be there for another as something to pull back towards when the other person’s ready. That this will eventually become something all of us will never leave in ourselves.” This is such an important key to relationships. I know the truth of it from first hand experience, and I know of no greater role model for living this in every detail as Serge Benhayon.
“I turned to Serge, as I would have to a wise, supportive and all knowing father” Love this Dragana, so many have turned to Serge when we most needed it and he has been there, strong, loving, all knowing and amazingly kind. Oh how I love this man and all he brings.
It is deeply inspiring to consider the account of this journey of ‘separation’ and read “that every relationship is but an opportunity, a possibility and not a given in any way. That I am to hold a consistent way of being that only reflects truth, and brings true love, which will always be there for another as something to pull back towards when the other person’s ready.” It brings home so beautifully that there is no real separation, but a responsible way of honouring the changes in a relationship which requires self-reflection, honesty and above all love and understanding for the other as well as ourself.
After going through my own ‘separation’ I can really appreciate how much commitment it takes to do it in and with love. Well done Dragana.
Stunning account of your separation with your partner Dragana – thank you. It is very true that we do not tell people in our lives that we love them and how important it is to verbalise it. We may find that we express our love more easily to some such as our children than others but breaking those barriers of protection and saying I love you can make all the difference to our relationships. Every time we express true love from the heart it has to come back and sometimes in ways that are least expected. We cannot wait for love to come to us; we live love first and then see what happens…
It is true, we don’t often express how we love the people we are around and we may have thousands of excuses but in the end expressing love is beautiful for the other and ourselves too.
I don’t often say the words ‘I love you’ because when I do they sound flat, empty and lifeless. However when I touch someone lovingly I can feel the aliveness and fullness in my touch, the love is a tangible thing for both of us.
Thank you, Dragana. Words that support me hugely today when I explore and accept that any feelings of not love I have for another are founded on fury with myself for choices I have made that have distanced me from love.
I have observed how a lot of relationships involve sour endings and no contact – when in fact we went into the relationship feeling very different. Serge Benhayon has showed us how it is possible to hold another in love no matter what, but to also respect their choices and not give our power away or react to those choices if they are not the same as our own. It is a whole new way of being with relationships.
It takes a lot to get past the point in a relationship where we blame the other but instead look at ourselves but it is entirely possible to do so and progress can be very rapid from that moment on.
The depth of understanding offered here is mind blowing and yet it’s presented in such a real and normal way … we can live this way and the more we see and hear others doing so the more we are inspired. I feel the immense love of Serge Benhayon for all of us, and Dragana’s immense love in her separation and in her sharing of it with us all, so that we too can see and feel how love comes first ever and always. And this in particular today brought a whole other level of understanding for me “that when I self-love, each error builds greater wonders ahead.” … for me to read this today is a gift, a beautiful reminder that it comes back to love even and especially when I’m wrong (or right), that neither right or wrong matter if it’s not about love.
Thank you Dragana for sharing your amazing story, showing how the power Serge’s words and his reflection to you turned a very emotional situation around by your choice to make what was happening in your life only about love. We are immensely blessed to be living in these times with so much light being delivered to us by our amazing world teacher.
When there is separation that’s when Love is needed most. So often in this world we attempt to remedy individuality with more of the same.
Thank you Dragana for sharing this true love story and these lines from Serge “… that every relationship is but an opportunity, a possibility and not a given in any way”. Any relationship is there for us to evolve.
How amazing it is to see that love can be brought into a situation such as courtroom divorce cases.
Serge Benhayon is a gift everyday, a gift that keeps on giving.
I can so relate to what you share here Dragana, that “Serge’s responses didn’t always match my expectations”. I too learned that it did not pay to have expectations and not just from what I wanted to hear from Serge Benhayon but also expectations in any part of my life. Hearing the truth can shake us up and have us squirming but I have found that once the squirming is over it is so clear what I am being presented with has the power to change my life; all I have to do is make a choice to say yes to the truth – or not.
I found this very touching to read Dragana, the true love palpable….hurt can make us act in crazy ways and to see beyond those reactions is truly inspiring yes.
Awesome account of how we can choose to separate from a relationship or hold onto our hurts for the rest of our days – I know which one I would prefer.
Love counts, even in separation. And Truth is worth standing for, no matter what is at stake.
Yes, for some people it is easier to love the previous partner than it was when they were together and that is a very precious step to take – to love a former partner.
These separations can come in many ways, with family and friends and like you say here Dragana, the most important is to deepen the love and understanding we have for ourselves and from that stance, bring the love that we hold in the lives of the people whom we’re separating with.
It is so true that ultimately the only true fulfillment and completion is to be love. To not shy away from every single process and step that eventually brings us back to being love. To not judge but hold ourselves through the processes and to be patient forever to ourselves and thus to others in our return, to forever appreciate and celebrate each and every occasion when we say no to abuse and yes to our deep love.
Each quote by Serge Benhayon in this article is rock-solid amazing, and given the context that they were said in this just makes them even more so. And I wonder why we as a general population we do not automatically have this same perspective about love and relationships, why do we allow for hatred, emotional tension and greed to rule our way, when there is clearly so much love to be expressed between each and every one of us – why do we not make this our number one priority? Why do we settle for less and call it normal?
“When I self-love, each error builds greater wonders ahead.” Wow Dragana, understood this way this life is just a training ground for constant learning. The more we embrace this the more we will see that any critique or judgement just isn’t us.
In particular this sharing from Serge made me stop to feel and appreciate what comes our way and can be shared in any relationship and encounter – “every relationship is but an opportunity, a possibility and not a given in any way”
This feels so complete and is a beautiful example of how separation can be when the focus is Love and not ‘what I can get’.
Very inspiring Dragana, bringing love to everything we do is a true gift for all.
This is such a great point. We can’t just be angry for a while or in a certain situation and not be affected by it ourselves. The only thing that does not affect us is love and being loving with all others around us.
If there is disharmony and unloving ways of being in a relationship then at some point I have not chosen to live the love I know is within me. It takes that same inner love to not give myself a hard time over such choices.
Its the oldest trick in the book – when something has not worked we go to blame everything that is wrong with the world or our partner and so avoid the uncomfortable truth that maybe, just maybe we had something to do with it. By bringing our attention that these strong emotions are actually a result of our own actions it stops the awful way we can treat each other, and equally allows us to look at the root of the issue in ourselves …. and maybe even stop treating ourselves in that same awful way!
What a beautiful understanding and the truth of love you share Dragana so simply with the support of Serge Benhayon that is incredible with the hurts and emotions separation normally comes with for life and how it can be so different. Amazing and real and the way we can all live with the holding and love offered that is inspirational in every way and life changing.
To ‘end’ a relationship with so much respect and love for the person you were in partnership with is truly heart warming and an inspiration for those who may find themselves in similar positions. It shows to that our relationships can also continue to grow even though we may no longer be together. Which shows that there never is an ‘end’.
So true Jennifer, very beautifully said. This makes it a joyful journey no matter what results we end up with, the fact that there is never an ending point to love shows us how magnificent it is to live love.
There is indeed never an end. Life is one long open ended relationship. A relationship that all of us are having all of the time.
Love always wins, no matter what we see in our reality. Just because there is something we associate with bitterness and resentment does not mean it can’t be approached with tremendous love and acceptance.
Dragana, thank you for sharing some of the wisdom that Serge Benhayon shared with you, it is very beautiful that separating from someone can be loving if we hold the other in love, it is gorgeous to read how Serge did not take sides and amazing how he holds people in such love and understanding, truly inspiring.
Very humbling to read Dragana – the power of love overrides complications of how it can just simply be (love).
This blog just shows that love is real and practical and can be present in every situation if we choose it to be.
Love counts, especially in separation as it does in all areas of life. And to hear that from “our errors greater wonders arise” (Serge Benhayon) takes away all remorse and emotional lingering on the past which do nothing but feed the orchestrated reductionism of who we are in truth.
An amazing story Dragana, which reflects the heart of all that Serge Benhayon is about, lives and presents – love, and how love has the power to transform any situation to one where all are honored in truth. You have shown us in such a stunning way that with love, when at the heart of all we do, with us taking responsibility for the degree of love we live in our lives, the path before us becomes lighter and clearer, inviting us to walk upon it with greater connection to truth and love for all.
The level of love that is offered to us by Serge Benhayon is unheard of and the most treasured gift in the world reminding us all that we are that love to. An amazing support and sharing of the truth of a relationship and the way love is always the only way whatever the outcome it is about love and our responsibility with this and being who we really are.
My marriage did not end harmoniously as yours did and for many years our relationship continued simply for the children. But it is a very different story today, one that changed from my attending many presentations and workshops from Serge Benhayon, the wisdom that he shared and the choices I decided to make to change the way I was living. Today I have a loving and settled relationship with my ex-husband. He is a part of our lives and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Many around us think this is rather strange but there are more and more coming to understand that this is a much more harmonious way to live; a way where love for another comes first.
What a beautiful way to end a marriage – to keep love at the core no matter what. Dragana – it is clear that the support offered to you by Serge Benhayon allowed you to stay you. That is an amazing next stage marriage to enter into.
What a beautiful story Dragana. A story of separation that ends with love.
Love is love. It is a beholding that never drops away no matter how our choices in life are. It is not determined by how close we are physically or how far, how often we see each other or if we hold hands or not. Love is just there, it is within us and the most amazing thing is, it is within all of us. So someone who chooses to simply honor more of this expression is not more special than someone who is not yet ready to do so, because in love, we are all equal.
Dragana, you have redefined the meaning of true marriage in the way in which you held your love for yourself and your partner through the divorce process. Because in that honouring of both your path and that of your partner, with real acceptance and understanding, it seems like it enabled you both to grow and evolve in many ways, always keeping love at the forefront of your relationship. This is to me what a true marriage should be, not one that has to end until ‘death do us part’.
Dragana I love this, one of the biggest things Serge Benhayon has taught me is that every single thing that happens in life, no matter how bad, is an opportunity (and I mean opportunity) to truly embrace life more, to grab it with both hands and learn, grow more and love more – it’s a magnificent and rich way to live life.
I’ve learned from my own family that when I put aside, judgement, blame, resentment and offer love, people respond, relationships change and become more harmonious. We are called to look to ourselves first for change, rather than expect if of others.
An honest sharing Dragana. To walk away from deep fury, resentment, frustration and blame and choose to love instead inspires and teaches us that even the most bitter of conflicts can be cleared and healed with love.
This is a true support for all those who are in relationships and those who do not have partners… as we all have relationships in every form, be it a sister, brother, friend or work colleague etc. To make every relationship about love first is the most important point to take from your writing, Dragana. Letting go of gripes, arguments, hurts, taking responsibility for our contribution to the mess, whilst holding love as the base note, is key.
Thank you for sharing Dragana, it is a blessing to read that divorce does not need to be about man vs woman – and it can be done where there is a loving relationship until the last breath. What an inspiration this is to anyone going through a divorce. And what a healing on your body.
Love wins. Full stop. Even in separation as you say. Love wins.
How amazing it is that Serge held both of you equally throughout this process, never for a moment playing the “nice friend”. Only expressing truth and giving advice that would support you both greatly.
I just love you Dragana for your amazing sharing. So honest, so beautiful and so real.
Blessed are we to know you.
And also deeply blessed to know Serge Benhayon who offered me so much healing and support
That I could let go so much of the past that I start to be more and more the true Sylvia who was hiding for so long.
Thank you, Dragana for confirming how I have felt separation could be, not that I experienced this as fully as yourself. My feelings of failure, confusion and frustration as my marriage dissolved became markers of the emotional attachments I had yet to let go of in order to feel the love that was still there under it all. Yet it seemed the more I let go the greater the animosity and without the true support of Serge Benhayon, I’m not sure it would have ended as cleanly as it has. There are many aspects to rebuild in the way I am in relationship with others and starting with myself has been pivotal. This love mirrored to me by Serge has inspired me in ways that have affected our whole family and we are learning to actually celebrate where we all are now post separation.
It’s true for me too Alison and the beauty of recognising this and taking responsibility for how we feel means that the opportunity is there to return to being love. When we feel someone else is responsible for how we feel it’s a very disempowered place that sets us up to repeat those cycles of emotion. We can stop it all though by being very honest and being willing to heal, being responsible for ourselves and what we are feeling, and then reconnecting to the love within. Thank you Dragana and Alison for sharing so openly and bringing so much healing to me today by doing so.
Wow, this story is amazing, this is actually how we can be in every relationship. Instead of disputes that comes from unmet pictures and from not living the love we each need to take responsibility for within ourselves, we can simply be love with all. Serge’s wisdom and reflection, the way he lives, are offering humanity an opportunity to rewrite human life, to restore every step to be about love.
Now this is a story that requires headline positions in so called Women’s magazines! This, I want to read more about and be inspired by, rather than the direct opposite found in our ‘news agencies’, and online. This is worth evolving through!
Serge has that wonderful quality of not repeating back what you want to hear, but sharing what he is feeling from his observation. He does not get caught up in the drama, does not pander to the nice or ‘right’ but will always use Love as the yardstick… always, unwaveringly.
Dragana, it is beautiful to read how your separation ended up without anger and bitterness as so many do and to read how remembering that you loved your husband dissolved the anger and frustration and wanting to win.
I can confirm that Serge Benhayon never takes sides when couples are having problems or separating. If there is one side he is on it is unconditional love. He supports us all to drop our reactions and have understanding for the other person. This is the only win that matters, not what property, money, kids etc we end up with in the settlement.
When I too “I came to know in my bones that all the fury was self-fury, all the resentment my own bitter pill.” I was initially very defensive and in denial, but in spite of the indignation that I could feel rising in my own defense somewhere deep inside I could feel that this was actually true. Making the choice to let go of the defensiveness and the indignation soon made way for the space for the truth to emerge and my life to change; and change it has thanks to the wisdom that Serge Benhayon unreservedly shares with the world.
This is Gold Dragana, thank you for sharing. So much to say! Often we tend to think that we are sort of ‘loving’ towards ourselves and deserve to be angry when our partner is doing something that is not right, yet what we miss out on is that we are ourselves not expressing love, which hurts in our own bodies and it hurts the other. This is something important to know as we are otherwise just feeding the thing we do not like to receive and that is lovelessness.
There is more love in the separation described here than there is in most ‘happy’ marriages.
True Leonne, the most ‘happy’ marriages are not loving at all but a mere arrangement to keep the boat sailing.
This is a true story. Not the lies published about Serge and the ridiculous claims that he is a home wrecker. This is a typical story about how Serge supports everyone, no matter who, because under all our crazy behaviours, we are all love and he is basically here to remind us of that.
This is truly divorcing – an act of love ! Wonderful Dragana and support of Serge Benhayon. An incredible testimony: when love is lived it is super inspirational and so strong – that when we have the reflection – we can not help but look and receive the reflection of what love is – to bring forth in our own steps – from the love inside our hearts and moving that into our bodies. By our choice to be that love, step by step..
To hold a former partner in your heart would be considered out of the question in most cases, but a choice that has been inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon shows us a difference.. There is so much here to learn and appreciate that divorce can be far from a taboo or carry years of hurt and resentment that continues to effect all those involved in the long run.
Dragana, what you have done, with the help and inspiration of Serge, is an immense step for humanity.
I am witnessing a divorce at the moment that is going the way that yours had started, with so much emotional pain, blaming and fighting over money. And there are children involved that get badly affected.
What I see is how difficult it is to let go of the hurt that comes from the disillusionment when one has had so many expectations and needs from the other. And how that hurt keeps increasing and turning into anger and devastation when stubbornly holding on to ones position of being the victim.
You have let go of that, and chosen love instead. That must have been difficult to start with, but what freedom and glory awaits us and everybody around us when we give up the need to be right or the right to be emotionally hurt and blame the other, and consciously choose self-love and true honesty.
To read this and see how far you have come is truly inspirational Dragana, I am very blessed to have such a strong woman in my life.
Wow Dragana, this is such a powerful and deeply inspiring sharing that every person can learn from, as it is relevant not only in a relationship between partners but with family, friends and others alike. It is so common in our society to take the ‘blaming others for my voes’ attitude and not bother looking at our own contribution to what is playing out. Love is what counts!
Absolute loved reading this Dragana. Separations or divorce between people doesn’t have to be a miserable affair, and filled with an utter and unresolved end. Something I’m beginning to understand is sometimes it is better for each person that they do go their own ways so to speak, and a true way forward with this is love until the very end as you have beautifully shared.
What an AWESOME Birthday present to meet Serge Benhayon! Also reading this ‘Every nucleus of my being knew that it was wrong to have those feelings but I seemed to have no memory of another way of being.’ I know is something everyone can relate with when we are running with a behaviour or pattern towards another person that is not loving and deep down is something we know is not what we truly feel. Great that with Serge’s help you got to feel and realise this.
“Any fury is self fury”. This is a great line that shows that when we carry fury towards another there is so much to be humbled but to know that this comes from our own inner turmoil. As families, friends, partners, work colleagues we can carry this for years stop the potential of true and loving relationships forming without the pressure of perfection.
How often when in the midst of angst, animosity and despair do we receive such wise council: “that I should make it about Love – love for myself and love for my partner, love for All. That I should take it easy on myself and learn that when I self-love, each error builds greater wonders ahead. That if I didn’t make it about love, even with the man I am sitting on the opposite side in the court of law from, it would be my failing . . .” ? The depth of healing and absolute love offered to Humanity by just this supportive expression from Serge Benhayon alone moves me to tears.
The infrequency of telling others we love them is a maker of how we are choosing to live. Making such a simple change to our lives can bring such a depth and residing appreciation of the all.
How incredible is this sharing? Divorce that leaves one feeling a greater level of love for their ex-partner. Thank you for sharing how there is another way to be when we are offered more love and understanding when a relationship ends through the works of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Dragana what you have share is one extraordinary story, rarely ever heard of in this world. People are to caught in hurts when it comes to separation that the forget how much love had brought them together in the first place. But people don’t realise it is the lack of self love and self worth that gets in the way of relationship and not the person themselves. When we truly have dealt with our own hurts and lack of self worth, then all we are reflecting is true love, not expecting it from another. This is where the magnetic pull of true love takes place and the building of a true relationship.
Bringing love to bear in such painful situations is true evolution, and hence everyone learns by the example.
“That I should take it easy on myself and learn, “that when I self-love, each error builds greater wonders ahead.” I have read this blog a few times before and yet it feels like I’ve only read this part for the first time, or more to the point taken notice of it. It’s amazing how our ideals and beliefs can have us acting and viewing life in a certain way, completely blanking out what may be right in our face in black and white. This I feel is what Serge Benhayon has brought to my life. That regardless of what’s going on or has been that love is always there, ready and available for us to choose to live and be.
The part about errors leading to greater wonders really struck me, how we can feel we are in a bind, a mess, a state, whatever it may be, but the place we have come to can lead to somewhere more special, with greater understanding, and more awareness. This is life, and whether it is an evolutionary path or a choice to not grace the planet with loving actions: is always our choice to make.
Serge Benhayon is an inspiration to us all in how to hold true love as the pivotal centre of the Universe.
Serge has a magical way of fixing things and making sure everything turns out right.
There is a humility and power in your story Dragana. It is inspiring to read of you choosing to live from Love in the face of your relationship changes.
I know so many instances that people have sought Serge Benhayon’s advice and he has come back with the simple yet profound response “Be Love”. So often I look for a solution far more complicated and involved, wanting to make a big meal of hurts, ideals and expectations. The trap of seeing it all in terms of ‘me’ and the personal reality I have made my world, can not easily come to terms with the level of openness and responsibility inherent in the words ‘Be Love’. Yet again and again those two words tenderly expressed by a man who lives with this as an absolute foundation has inspired a greater clarity and awareness, as well as a deeper understanding of love and responsibility.
Thank you for sharing Dragana, even when we may be getting a divorce it does not mean we do not deeply love our partner, after all we would not have chosen to be with them if we did not. What you have exposed here is how easily we can get caught up in all the negative bits but when we bring it back to love then that easily melts away back to the love we know we all have for each other.
This is truly a story of divorce that needs to be published on the front pages of every daily news site. The stories I have heard in couples building deeper levels of resentment and hate is so common when a divorce process takes place. To be given the support of a man that lives and breathes truth in every cell in his body is nothing short of a blessing for you and your family. It is very rare and unread of to leave a relationship feeling that there is nothing more to resolve and that all is complete. An inspiring read and obviously a deep appreciation for the writer (Dragana) who was willing to accept that there was more to look at in the responsibility department.
Just as Truth Counts, In Victory or Defeat. You have set an amazing precedence for those who part ways Dragana, thank you.
“That Serge NEVER took sides, that he NEVER said a word, not a single letter to inflame, but did everything to show me that the only way in life is with True Love.” True teachings from a living example of what it means to make everything in life, absolutely everything about Love, even when a marriage breaks up. Serge Benhayon masterfully shows us the value of claiming what lies inherently within us, so that we can navigate our way through our own self made obstacles and retrieve what we all know is true. It is our self fury that we need to deal with and as you have demonstrated when we do, being able to part company after years of marriage can be done harmoniously, tenderly and respectfully in the knowing that the life shared together has come to a natural conclusion and no-one has to take the blame.
We all have an equal responsibility in the quality of our relationships we come together for a reason and we part for a reason. When we truly resume responsibility for ourselves, we will be able to appreciate the gift in both, celebrate and cherish the time we have spent together and move on with grace. Your experience here Dragana proves this reality and sets a much-needed benchmark in the world that confirms we can end a relationship with the same love and tenderness with which it was established.
Dragana this is beautiful, honest and ground breaking. To make everything about love in every detail is very inspiring. This is not the usual way relationships in separation and divorce end, to not leave both parties hurt and less of themselves with blame and bitterness. It’s so often the way and large legal bills the main outcome. By being held and supported with true love by Serge Benhayon, another way was enabled which is revolutionary to read. What an amazing way to part, holding each other in love and getting back to that as our only way.
I was deeply moved with reading your story. And at the point when you described walking into the room when Serge Benhayon was telling everyone “how infrequently we tell people that we truly love them and how important it is to actually verbalise it” and he followed this by a private message to you “You Do Love Simon – you know that” I got all teary too. The absolute lack of sympathy or encouraging any blame, self-pity or irresponsibility, and instead a constant support to reconnect to the deep love within us which may be masked by hurts but is never diminished – this which Serge Benhayon offers in buckets is the greatest loving support we can receive from anyone.
Serge Benhayon has shown us how a divorce can be undertaken without animosity and the resulting settlement works well for all. With my own divorce proceedings that started seven years ago, we maintained an open discussion and an amicable way of settling everything, with no complications. We still communicate from time to time and our children are in regular touch with both of us. No need for anger and hate when love can be the way.
Serge Benhayon never takes sides and always sees the whole picture no matter who is involved and what has occurred. I have witnessed this on many occasions including within his own family. I like how you describe that there was a breaking point where you both individually and as a couple needed to go to a deeper level of commitment to true love, which included a deeper level of self honesty and truth with self and each other. If one partner is not willing to go there then this is the moment to part ways, no matter what this entails. This is a great reminder for us all.
Most couples separate from their marriages blaming and criticising each other, my own separation from my husband was that. Since meeting Serge Benhayon I have come to know that there is another way, one of love and deep respect for each other, which, he reflects in his own separation from his previous wife. I am eternally grateful for this as I now have a better relationship with my ex-husband then I did when we were married.
This account of your separation is so deeply inspiring. Most people would not be even able to fathom how this could occur in separation/divorce. I love how Serge Benhayon made it about LOVE and not about right and wrong, which most people get struck in. Right and wrong goes against everything that LOVE is.
This brought tears to my eyes Dragana – that love is there always and how much thankful I am to have someone in my life who not just present that fact to me, but lives it every second. It is possible to love, in fact it is our original nature. That it is possible to come back to this expression is good to know and encourages me to bring myself on the way.
It was really lovely to read and hear this, ‘A few months later when our family home acquired a new owner and all our assets had been split amicably, we stood outside by our removal vans and we hugged goodbye. Not your ordinary and not your typical forgive-and-forget type parting, but an amazing, true happy ending. Nothing left unclear, untidy or unsaid.’ We definitely need to make it about love… even when the relationship is ending.
True love truly does conquer everything because true love is the source, and therefore the essence, of everything.
Thank you, Dragana, for such a powerful and personal testimonial to the fact, “that the only way in life is with True Love.” There are many lines that stand out for me and the particular one for me today is, “feelings of anger, rage, resentment and fury are all results of our own choices and not some random, ‘outside of ourselves’ ploy over which we have no control.” Accepting this fact is a game-changer in how we relate to the world and appreciate the fact that the dramas in our lives are our own creations.
Realising that “feelings of anger, rage, resentment and fury are all results of our own choices and not some random, ‘outside of ourselves’ ploy over which we have no control” is such an incredible empowering and life changing realisation. It is not, however, necessarily easy to accept and can require much painful eating of humble pie, which some people are not willing to do. The result, if one has the stomach and self-love to do so, is so rewarding and life enhancing as you so beautifully demonstrate and share, Dragana.
It’s common for things to turn very ugly through separation, so to hear about a separation that has a different flavor is very refreshing. What makes it even more fascinating is that you were both what I would consider feisty, it wasn’t a case of you both being ‘easy going” that things went the way they did, it was a commitment and depth of care that was being modeled to you from a dear friend to many, Serge Benhayon. You were able to embody that love and apply it in a time where most people throw everything out the window. To rise above the ‘fight’ and reconnect to the love that you truly are, that to me is front page newsworthy, plus your writing style made for a very enjoyable read, thank you.
Serge Benhayon has re-defined what it means to be in a relationship and to part ways from each other. The more self-love I have for myself the more free and simple my relationship with myself and with others becomes. But from a place of need, attachment and entanglement that is when situations and separations can get messy and emotionally loaded. When we have invested and grown something that is by its nature grabby and complicated like tangle weeds (expectations on how the relationship, ourselves and the other should be) between two people.
Yes Leigh the letting go allows more to flow without the impatient need nestling in. This blog is a reminder that we have the potential to work towards a deeper understanding of this in all facets of our life.
Because of Serge Benhayon, I have experienced the same kind of loving empowerment, by taking responsibility for my life and developing self love, as this author and the many who share comments here.
From Serge and from those he has inspired, I now understand that I can choose to see “mistakes” as learnings and to use each ‘error’ to build myself a more loving next step and this is so immense…
I know it is the Love from which Serge lives his own life which enables him to truly inspire others to choose love and evolution (true learning & growth) too.
“That Serge never took sides…” I only can confirm the love Serge Benhayon is sharing with everybody. And like you have experienced with your husband, he always loves both sides no matter where a person is at with their love. I experienced this with my husband too, to find again a way how to be loving with one another and to detect what true love is.
As someone who can be a bit hard on myself, I particularly love Serge’s teaching “that when I self-love, each error builds greater wonders ahead.” Serge Benhayon is of such immense support for so many that at times I can’t but pinch myself at the wonder of having him as a friend and teacher.
What strikes me is the image we want things to be and if this does not happen we are frustrated and/or resentful. I observe this in me, how I sometimes react because the situation or people are not aligning to the picture I carry. This is a great way to get aware of those images and let them go in order to reestablish harmony in ones own body.
And who came up with these images in the first place? From what place were they conjured up and with what intention? What if all images and pictures about how things should be have been spun out of a web of deceit, (which they have), then it’s easy to see that they are instruments of evil, employed with the sole purpose of interfering with humanity’s return to truth.
Having lived through this blog, not only do I see the absolute transparency in these words but also how true every account of how Serge behaved throughout the time we have know him is. A man whose integrity knows no bounds
It is rare that you hear about a relationship where there has been separation and divorce finishing harmoniously and with ongoing love and respect. Serge Benhayon lives in every way ‘Love’ first and in your sharing the evidence of this is clear. Thank you Dragana for sharing your experience so honestly and the truth that no matter what is happening in life, it is about holding the love that counts above all else.
Love counts in every situation. It really is the only thing that counts. Are we living it? Not always. Is it always there to be lived? Yes. It is our choice.
Now why can’t there be more divorce lawyers with Serge’s disposition?
In my opinion a painful and messy separation never really has a winner, even if you come out with all the money or the kids, I can’t imagine you would feel great after going through something like that? I will take the wisdom offered in this blog and it will support those in your situation to remember that love is the most important thing to come out with, love and integrity, I do feel this blog will support many people over the years too.
I have seen a few students of Universal Medicine go through divorce, some involving children as well and I am deeply impressed by what is possible if you make everything, including separation and divorce about love. These people for me are true role models as it is not easy to go through separation as it often becomes messy as shared here by Dragana, but with the steady support and reminder to not forget the importance of true love the outcome will always be love and the emotional wounds can be healed. When I observe the relationships these people have with their ex-partners I am truly amazed by what is possible and that we do not need to carry the hate, resentment, anger and hurt for the rest of our lives.
Thank you Dragana for an absolute gem of an article and sharing your utmost truth with us all. What an amazing gift to receive for your birthday and how our lives, and the lives of others around us can change if we make everything about love first.
What a blessing and different experience of divorce everyone around you would have received and I’m sure will never forget, from the court case to selling your home and assets. You went from confirming the ‘norm’ in society of who is right and who is wrong and who has done this and who has done that, to taking full responsibility for your part and offering a true reflection of how simple it can be when we make everything about love. Beautiful and inspiring story that is a testament to the amazing man Serge Benhayon is, I have never met a person like him that holds everyone with love, and for the love you have built Dragana to know without a doubt that love was the only way forward.
Gorgeous Dragana. The world over we cover up our love with fury and resentment when a relationship has run its course and in that everyone suffers. All along though the love is still there, buried and unexpressed. That is tragic to consider. What you have shared here and I can relate from my own experience is how powerful and amazing it is when we surrender to the love that is always there. Serge Benhayon inspires this in spades and spades.
Serge Benhayon is an inspiration of what true love is all about and that it is far more than just blood lines, but about our quality of expression and the openness of our hearts.
The moment of feeling the deep love you have for a partner, but also know that living together is no longer true, for either of you, is a pivotal moment in life. To then take the steps that honors your knowing and actually separate is a moment of deep loving commitment to the loving essence that resides in both of you. Your article Dragana is a loving testament to this commitment.
An inspirational story worthy in any major lifestyle magazine or mainstream media. Stories like theses change our perception of how to approach life and deal with painful events. There is a different way forward.
No matter how hard we press that another is at fault for the miserable situation, the larger the spring back when the time to realise our part comes. Better to humbly admit our part then to wait decades or lifetimes. Thank you for sharing Dragana.
Divorce without love is the usual way of things currently in this world. Everyone sees it as ‘normal’ to bicker and fight over who’s getting what and unfortunately, the children, if there are any, usually become part of this tug-of-war situation. This is very bewildering for them and certainly not a great way to ‘teach by example’.
It was very refreshing to read this account of how it can all unfold with dignity and truth, with an absolute depth of love that lays a true foundation which now serves to inspire and remind us all to have love at the forefront of any, and every, relationship we have in life.
I can relate to what you are saying here Dragana about wanting sympathy from others. It’s like when we get sympathy we are wanting something to blame that is outside of us and we want someone else to collude in this deception and search for relief. With sympathy we are let off the hook in terms of our responsibility for our part we have played in the situation we find ourselves in. It can be an uncomfortable pill to swallow that we are the ones ultimately making choices which are loving or unloving which determine the end product of the quality of our lives, but also an incredibly self-empowering and liberating approach to take.
“With sympathy we are let off the hook in terms of our responsibility for our part we have played in the situation we find ourselves in.” True Andrew, and it’s the same when I give sympathy as it’s seeing someone as a victim and not the architect of their life. Instead I could either observe or respond with something that supports an awareness of personal responsibility and evolution.
Thank you for sharing and writing this Dragana, as it is sooo important. The ‘normal way’ is to fight, argue and blame in relationships. I say normal is what we as a society have allowed and accepted as normal in our relationships. This is deeply harming and when we don’t deal with this and just carry on from one relationship to the next, it’s a disaster again and again and again; where both parties are left feeling very hurt. What you are sharing with us is that there IS another way. Another way where even if 2 people are parting Love can remain, as in the end it is only Love that truly binds us – deep inside. Serge Benhayon is an extraordinary man. The wisdom that he has access to and that he shares with ALL of humanity is absolute Gold, as you, me and many others have experienced and benefitted from. To have Serge Benhayon with us on Earth at this time is truly a blessing. So many lives have changed immensely as a result of this man’s loving way.
At the end of the day when everything gets stripped back we are left with love and only love, the fact that most of what we currently have in the world is what is not love is purely a reflection of how lost, how very very lost we have allowed ourselves to become.
Going through a separation process for what feels like several years yet is finally coming to a completion this year, I’ve realised the truth in these words of yours: “I also discovered the extent to which I had chosen to not live true love in my life.” This has been a game changer, actually accepting the irresponsibility of not choosing love as the reasons behind all the blame, resentments and acrimony. Really feeling that has opened the way for me to make everything about love as Serge presents. What I thought was love and what love is are very different and choosing to be with love even as we separated, has actually felt more uniting than all those years under the same roof. We have yet to completely harmonise yet as the loose threads are attended to, lovingly and tenderly, the foundations are there for a true way forward for us all.
About 4 years ago I was packed and ready to leave my husband. When we sat down together before I left. I said to him the exact same sentence that I had said to my previous husband 19 years before. With this I stopped and cried and cried, was I going to be sitting in this same place in another 20 years repeating the same words. All I could hear running in my head was Serge saying, ” if you don’t deal with it now it will just come back again at another time.” In that moment I choose to not repeat the same patten.
We then spent the weekend crying, talking. I expressed that I wanted to end the way we had been living and start making more loving choices.
Taking responsibility for my life and my choices and not blaming someone else for what happens has been a huge shift for me. Expressing how I feel has been enormous. Every time I express I’m taking responsibility for my life and what happens.
We are in a loving relationship that is evolving each and every day.
Thanks Denise for sharing so openly and honestly, and for the wisdom also of how you have taken responsibility to be more loving with yourself, and honour how you feel by expressing it in your relationships. “Every time I express I’m taking responsibility for my life and what happens.”
Love always counts, even in separation, in disagreements, it is all that matters and the only thing that counts. Love for yourself, for another and for all. I can sometimes forget and want to be right, but it doesn’t bring me anything, whereas when I make it about love, I grow as a person and offer this as an opportunity for another.
Whatever the situation, when we make it about love, there is then the space for the magic to bring the harmony. Everything always comes back to self. When we know and practice this we can address what is going on for ourselves, stop blaming or pointing the finger and the other person/people innvolved also feel that space in themselves.
Truly stunning and inspirational Dragana Brown.
Love is something that doesn’t go away. I remember how painful it used to be to separate and let go of loved ones. With time, understanding and help from Serge Benhayon, I have realised that there was nothing outside of us that could make us feel any better and also that we were already everything.
This is a beautiful account of how we can begin to restore the love within. It is not that this love ever goes ‘on leave’, it is that we layer on top of it a multitude of hurts that prevent us from seeing the riches beneath. It only takes one person to live this love in full for another to see by way of reflection that this gorgeous light lives and breathes within us all. In this way we help each other reignite the fiery flame that is the grand love we are and are from.
‘That I am to hold a consistent way of being that only reflects truth, and brings true love, which will always be there for another as something to pull back towards when the other person’s ready. That this will eventually become something all of us will never leave in ourselves.’
Dragana this article is so refreshingly honest and inspirational to read. You are living proof that by holding still and choosing love we can bring harmony to any situation.
How easy life can be when we understand and live from truth and see all relationships as an opportunity to evolve humanity through the reflection we all offer.
Dear Dragana, thank you for sharing your tale with us. I was spellbound by your writing and what you shared with us. To always bring it back to ourselves, and to take full responsibility for ourselves and to know that our only purpose is to be (and to bring) the love that we are in all situations – is the way forward. In a world caught up in blame, you have shown a new way forward. I can only imagine how much lighter you must feel in your body from your experience than if you had stayed on the blame.anger.frustration path. That weights the body down no end. I was thinking here would be no Dynasty-style shows if life was lived how you lived this break up – no cliffhangers required. Just a solid commitment to truth and love.
I feel this is sometimes one of the hardest things for us to do, that is to let go of our ‘pride’ and to stop looking on the outside to blame others for the loveless choices we have made throughout our lives and instead have the self-love, humbleness and grace to feel all the disregard we have been living in and choosing. I mean it’s easy to point the finger at someone else right instead of taking responsibility for ourselves! This is something I was really good at doing .. the fact is it wasn’t the easier option at all as the blame, frustration, bitterness and resentment was slowly killing me within. My life was not one of joy and my family who I loved dearly I no longer had ANY form of contact with, that was until after a healing session with Serge Benhayon. When I went to the session the last thing I was thinking about was my family, I had stubbornly closed a door to them and walked away. However, halfway through the session tears came flooding out to my surprise as I mentioned them. I remember Serge saying ‘without them you are living half a life’. At the time I thought it was a bit of a strange thing to say, how can I live half a life? But deep within I knew what he shared to be true. It was not so long after that session I decided to swallow my pride and speak with my family. Slowly slowly I began building my relationship back with them (although it was never back as this was a completely new relationship). Sometimes it was a bit bumpy for me and if blame came up I looked at my part in it. Now my relationship with my family has never been better, I love them dearly and appreciate each person for who they truly are; this in turn has helped me to deepen all of my relationships to the point that I know in truth we are all family and ultimately all One. I no longer live a half life but instead a full one that with each moment and each self-loving choice unfolds to a deeper place of love that resides within. All of this from only a few words spoken with absolute love and care to me by Serge Benhayon. The true love Serge Benhayon holds for ALL equally is immense, he consistently teaches me to be this love for myself and with others. One of the most healing things I have learnt from Serge is that true love has not one ounce of emotion it in, which seeing as I used to live from and of emotion is deeply healing to know and for this to be exposed has allowed me to connect and feel what Love truly is.
Understanding “that true love has not one ounce of emotion in it” changes one’s whole way of expressing and living love from the standard, generally accepted emotional form of love with which society is presented. As you share so well, Vicky, it is so empowering, healing and joyful.
What an amazing outcome that both of you came to a place of harmony on completing your separation where you could part without acrimony, but with respect and love. This is revolutionary and evolutionary Dragana, and very beautiful for us all to read and feel, that there is always love, even in separation and no need for blame, and that taking responsibility every step of the way ensures that love is shown and lived always. No matter where we’ve been there is always love and through our choices we can confirm that.
To feel the depth of love offered to you and which you brought into your relationship with your former partner is huge Dragana, it breaks all ideas of sides, rights, wrongs, you, they, I and brings it back simply to love – to make it always about love even in separation. And as you say so beautifully there is no demands in this love, only an offering and a beholding always… ‘it is about standing still and presenting (ONLY) in and from Love that which is true.’. And this is what Serge Benhayon presents to every single person no matter who or from where they are – and he shows us all we can do this too. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me today to make it about love always.
An extraordinary account of what for most would be nightmare journey. An amazing testimony to the power of taking responsibility for the one’s own feelings and emotions and for having the courage to look inward rather than throwing out blame in an effort to hide from the truth. Serge Benhayon has inspired you very deeply but it is you Dragana that has made the moves, made the choices and made the changes. The path you have trod lights the way for so many other couples in similar situations. You have re-defined the process of divorce and shown that we are all, always in relationship. I have the deepest appreciation of what you have done.
This is something very unheard of in the world today, for two people to separate or part ways that is not from a place that then forever more holds the other in a blaming or negative way but on a feeling of cooperation, love and understanding. It just goes to show that just because we may part ways or separate physically doesn’t mean that love need not be void in the created distance between us.
An incredible story. Divorce need not end up in tears,nor in bloodshed, nor be seen as the ultimate failure. Sometimes, people need to move on with their lives. Yet society makes divorce the be all and end all, a sign of failure. It is laced with judgement, and sadness. People worry about the kids and the breakdown of family values. Yet I can imagine no greater reflection for a child than to see their parents able to work things out and yet still hold respect and love for each other, despite determining that they can no longer live together. Far more healthy than to continue to live in a pseudo-relationship where there is ongoing resentment and things are buried underneath the surface, all for the sake of creating the illusion of unity.