When I was a young girl growing up in Australia, my world was very, very different. I had a ‘friendly’ old neighbour who would look after me whilst Mum went out. From the age of about 5 until I was 13 years old, I was being sexually abused by this man. Movies, doing homework, having lunch together and playing with him at his house always preceded the abuse and I would find myself continuing to go back for the attention I was seeking even though I knew what was happening was not right.
My own house never felt safe; there was always a way my neighbour could look into a window or even shine a torch into my bedroom at night time. He could peer through the boundary fence and watch me whilst I was in the kitchen/dining area. He could watch me play in my backyard pool. I always felt like he had eyes on me. Sometimes it felt quite invasive and creepy. I developed a feeling of wanting the attention which I now understand is how abuse works: the abuser gives attention that is missing elsewhere. It was something I ended up feeling I wanted; but really only wanting the attention, not the abuse. Later those feelings of ‘wanting it’ or craving the attention, led to feelings of guilt.
Something that may not be understood was how I engaged with the abuse. Once I started puberty, I didn’t see my neighbour as much. However the games still continued. From 13 years old until I was about 16 years old, we wrote letters to each other daily. I would pick up his letter from his letterbox and return a response the next day after school or after dinner. In the letters I sent him, I would disclose many personal details about my life: what was happening in my parents’ marriage and in my school life. During these years my parents had a terrible marriage– my father was having affairs and drinking a lot and my mother was an emotional wreck.
It became an addiction between us, but then it later became a burden for me, as I had too much schoolwork to commit to. I used him to offload my stresses and at the same time I manipulated him into believing that I needed him and that he had to do things for me. At the time I felt like I had him wrapped around my little finger yet at the same time I felt manipulated by him. The contract of abuse between us was more complicated than people like to understand.
If I were to describe the energy between us, it felt like we were owned by it and we both felt we ‘owed each other’.
If I forgot to respond to a letter or pick up one of his letters, he would react badly. His behaviours became erratic and very unsettling and I was always living with a level of anxiety that I felt I was responsible for how he was behaving. He would put loud music on in the middle of the night, or run a stick along the boundary fence; he once put super glue into our front gate, or he would sing songs loudly with a sarcastic message in them; he even verbally abused my parents when he could.
At this time I suffered a lot of severe nosebleeds before I began having periods. They were so intense that at one point I felt I would need medical help with them. Then, after my periods started the nosebleeds stopped. As an adult looking back I now understand that the nosebleeds were a way of clearing the pressure I was taking on in the family and in the responsibility I felt about protecting my family from the neighbour. I also now understand that when my periods started, they became the way I would clear what I was taking on. As a result of what was happening at that time my periods were extremely irregular and heavy.
Eventually the truth got revealed about the abuse and once the police were notified and my statements were taken, my neighbour was charged with 13 counts of indecent sexual assault, although it probably happened hundreds of times. It was a requirement of the police, that they had some kind of concrete evidence and it was through dated photographs that I could tie the abuse to specific dates. So the charges were based on the number of photographs I had from that time and that ended up determining the counts of abuse he was charged with. At the same time I was being prepared to present my case in the courtroom in front of a judge and a jury, I was 17 years old and doing my last year of high school. It was one of the hardest years of my life.
During this time, as a way to cope with what was going on, I got heavily involved with drugs and alcohol and my body started to show signs of stress:
- stomach ulcers
- heavy periods
- bad skin rashes
- nose bleeds
- nervous tension
- panic attacks
- the list goes on.
I tried everything from counselling, anti-depressants, medicine, alternative healings, psychic readings, Reiki healing, Chinese acupuncture, astrology, sun therapy, steroids for the skin, to Chinese herbs to help alleviate the symptoms I was experiencing.
I did not find any lasting relief through all these different methods.
At the age of 25, I was crying out for answers, still using alcohol and drugs and suffering all the severe symptoms of stomach ulcers, thrush, insomnia, heavy periods, bad skin rashes, eczema, asthma, nose bleeds, headaches, restlessness, nervous tension, panic attacks etc. I found Universal Medicine through a friend and this is when the true healing began for me. The first time I saw Serge Benhayon present, he gave a talk about sexual abuse and why it occurs and I remember crouching in my seat feeling like he was talking about me and my life in front of a large audience.
He was talking about how children crave being met by their parents and when they don’t get that attention, they look for it elsewhere, making them vulnerable to sexual abuse, often by people they know. Often the child will have a lot of turmoil at home (like I experienced with my parents). It was almost as if he was talking directly about my situation. What got me was how deeply he seemed to be able to read me. He spoke about how if parents aren’t really meeting their child, and the child is not being confirmed in how beautiful he or she is, the child will crave that attention. He explained that the child’s need to be met can be so great that it can be greater than the danger the child feels from the abuser, to the point where he or she will knowingly choose the abuse.
I recalled how I would insist on going to my neighbour’s house and tell my mother I didn’t want to come home. I remembered the first time my neighbour had abused me. Beforehand, he had shown me a pornographic magazine and even though I knew something wasn’t right, even at five, I had wanted his approval and so I had gone along with him. That is how strong the need to have his attention was. I remember the moment clearly that I had made the choice to let the abuse begin and to let it into my body. I could have run away, or screamed for my mum, but I didn’t: the need for attention trumped my fear and so the abuse began.
Now, for the first time in my life, I felt as if someone was reading the situation back to me clearly. Something I had already known. And with it came so much understanding. No other counsellor or psychologist I had seen had that understanding to that depth. What he was saying was me to a tee.
Other counsellors I had seen had drummed into me that I was a complete victim and that was the role I was given, without being truly asked about what my experiences were. It was as if they were saying life had just happened to me, without me having to take any responsibility, on any level for what had happened in my life. Life is rarely like that, at least it wasn’t for me.
How else would you explain that I would insist on visiting my abuser? When I said to counsellors that sometimes I found the abuse pleasurable, they were at a loss. Male victims of sexual abuse also experience this, but it is much less acknowledged in regards to girls. The contract of abuse I seemed to be in with my abuser was something counsellors were unable to understand and were not equipped with the skills with which to support me. Serge Benhayon’s presentation was life changing, nothing less.
Driving in the car to the presentation, before even hearing Serge speak, I had a strong feeling of the abuse being a part of my karma from a past life. There was a huge liberation in that. It wasn’t in a way of: ‘this is my karma. I deserved it, it was all my fault.’ It was a feeling of empowerment because I knew that while there were things to heal from my past and reasons I had experienced the abuse I had in my childhood, it was my choices now that would determine my future. Nothing is random.
My abuser will always be accountable for what he did and for the choices he made that led him to sexually abuse me. I am not to blame for what happened to me. But there is a big difference between blame and responsibility. For years I blamed my mother and my abuser for what had been done to me. It didn’t heal it. It was only when I started to take responsibility for where I could be more loving in my own way with myself and others that I started to feel a shift and feel empowered that I could say ‘no’ to abuse in my life.
From there the healing continued to unfold. In a session with an Esoteric Practitioner I released a huge package of sexual abuse energy and I felt the energetic configurations leaving my body. Then, after that at Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 2, while working on the imprints held in my body from childhood, at around the ages of 5 onwards, I had a feeling like acid coursing through me.
In the following years I continued to clear, particularly through my skin. I would wake up scratching from eczema. I did everything I needed to do medically and I also got support from Esoteric Healing to look at the energetic reasons behind the eczema. It was the old familiar poison continuing to clear. I started working with Natalie Benhayon regularly and the healing, on all levels, continued.
Through the help of Esoteric Healing, I have been able to clear the heavy energy of the sexual abuse out of my body and it’s been a huge learning process for me as to what the energy of abuse is and the many ways I have allowed it into my body. Abuse is just pure poison and I’m fortunate to have a body that clears that energy. In the most full on periods of dealing with the abuse, I would wake up to find I had scratched my skin till it bled. But not anymore.
My life today: I no longer drink alcohol or take drugs, my periods are lighter and no longer painful. I am eating a lot better, I have a gluten, dairy free and refined sugar free diet. I’m sleeping a lot better than I was and my skin is nowhere as bad as it used to be. I also have more meaningful relationships in my life with my family, my son, work colleagues and friends. Today my life is so different. I have no need to go out to bars or clubs to get drunk and wasted and seek attention by being reckless and naughty. I love being at home and having a simple life with my family.
These are the practical life aspects that have supported me to deal with the energetic aspects I had to heal from, but without an understanding of energy and of the beauty I truly am and come from, I couldn’t have integrated all these practical life changes. Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine, provided the reflection that reminded me of why I am deeply worthy of being cherished and loved.
I could not imagine where I would be today if it weren’t for the true healing that came to me from Serge Benhayon and his work. I struggle to remember what my life was like. It feels like a distant memory to me, almost like a past life. Without the work of Serge Benhayon, my health and emotional state would be almost certainly chaotic and out of control. I would probably be still using alcohol and recreational drugs to help numb me and check me out of reality. I would probably be still into spiritual new age modalities that gave me no healing and no doubt would have kept me lost and disconnected to myself, my feelings and my body. I would be trying to manage my symptoms on the outside as best I could. I would still have that energy of abuse and poison running in my body every single day and there would be no stillness or harmony in my life. My eczema at times would weep so badly before Universal Medicine it was like acid coming out of my skin and I was on regular monthly courses of oral steroid tablets. That probably would still be happening.
The Yoga of Stillness that is taught by Serge Benhayon has been amazing. Today I no longer take any oral steroids and I know the feeling of stillness and warmth in my body. Seven years ago, I would not have had a clue what stillness felt like. I have been able to feel and connect to my body and I’ve been able to feel the choices I have made. I have been able to take note of where my body is at truly. I no longer live on stimulants such as coffee or chocolate or alcohol. My diet is constantly evolving.
Serge has taught me that being nice is not being true to myself. He wrote to me in an email, “Live and work simply until you get to know you and don’t put yourself or your body into any relationship that you are not absolute about.” Serge’s wisdom is profound and when applied properly, in full, the results are life changing. I will be appreciative forever of who Serge is and what he represents.
Blame and responsibility are two completely different things. One keeps us stuck and the other sets us free.
Oh wow, this is huge, what an absolutely profound blog. Deeply healing for all who read it. The clarity you write with, with no critic, no blame just deep understanding is outstanding. Thank you Anonymous your honesty is refreshing and in this day and world so desperately needed.
The more I become aware of the profound and unmistakable impact of energy in every aspect of our lives, I am astounded how the energetic dynamics and their outplay is not the first place we look at when we have recurring issues in life.
Seeking attention from another on any level and we allow abuse into our life. We do not need attention from anyone when we truly know ourselves.
So much can be learnt from what you are sharing in this blog anonymous. Thank you for a very open and honest sharing.
Thanks you so much for sharing what you have in this article – it is very humbling to read and makes me realise that no matter what happens to us in life – that we can heal and live a more true and loving life.
It is true that children want connection, to be meet by adults around them. I know I compromised and contorted myself to be liked and fit in, there are so many ways we do it and we can lose ourselves in the process. I have spent much of my adult life resurrecting who I am from within without the trying to be liked. I love that it is a process of return and we can all chose it.
It may seem difficult to change our lives from the constant abuse we accept nad cast upon ourselves, to love and wisdom, but it is much harder to live in the drain and misery of our harmful choices.
Thank you Anonymous for sharing such a profound story with honesty. There are never any victims in life and with my deepest respect for such incidences such as rape and sexual abuse of any kind we are held responsible for everything that happens to us; this is the beauty and love that karma, cause and affect and reincarnation brings.
Our body carries our choices and we can deal with and remove that carriage as well. That is the good part of the process.
This is a very confronting story on how to deal with and more than just survive abuse – even if it was shrouded in a semblance of seeming niceness.
This level of understanding offers such an enormous healing and settlement in itself. The depth of wisdom Serge Benhayon can access and reflect because of the way he chooses to live is incredible.
I feel so moved when I hear how he as a human being still has, like everyone else, thoughts of eating this or doing that which if he did indulge in would mean his connection would not remain as clear and powerful, but his commitment to having access to his Soul in order to be of greater service to people is enough for him to say ‘no’ to those hooks.
He is an amazingly inspiring role model.
Today we give credence to gross acts of sexual perversion as abuse. But when we finally admit that any act that isn’t sacred, loving and holding of our preciousness is abuse in truth, we’ll have some serious reflection to do – as is shared here we all have our part in fostering and allowing this to be.
This is such an important sharing on abuse for all to read Andy the fact that actually there is always a hook – then bauswr offers something we feenis missing and therefore it is easier for the abused to feel guilt for what has happened. His pursuit back on society as to how are we with each other – in relationships, in family, in friendships that means each interaction feels full and complete and therefore we can discern when a relationship feels true or not.
This blog and part 2 are amazing accounts sharing the energy of abuse, what happens in that outplay and how that energy impacts on the body if not treated. And the power of what Serge Benhayon presents in how energy precedes life, change the energy and the physical will also change.
Profound insights and understanding about an area that plagues so many.
Wow this is a very honest account of what happened to you as a child, and an amazing testimony to the fact that at any stage in our life we can turn things around. Going from a pattern of abuse and abusing the body to a loving relationship with yourself and others is possible no matter what our past experiences have been.
The more loving we are able to be with our bodies, the more loving we can be with others and the more abusive we are able to be with our bodies then the more abusive we are able to be with others.
We can so often override our feelings for the sake of ‘nice’ but ‘nice’ is dangerous and it can be very abusive, those words of wisdom and love that are shared by Serge Benhayon for you deeply support me and I would suggest everyone. I agree keep it simple, know yourself and then go in to relationships. This is something we could all benefit from honouring and knowing as we grow up.
I love the simplicity and clarity of this: “keep it simple, know yourself and then go in to relationships”. Not only is it great advice for every single one of us, it would also be a great way to bring up our children.
There is no-thing that we can’t heal from.
Anonymous I want to say that this is a ‘breath taking’ account of abuse but understand that this description may not be totally appropriate but what I am wanting to say is that the way that you go into the truth of abuse and dismantle it from the inside is stunning. Anonymous you provide others who have also experienced abuse with the tools to go into their abuse and dismantle it, if they so choose. What a gift.
Thank you for sharing all your observations, feelings and insights so honestly. It is so common for people who have experienced abuse in life to be considered as victims and treated as such. I can see how there is no empowerment in that or in fact any chance of truly reflecting on the situation and developing understanding, responsibility and even a certain level of acceptance which leaves the space to build a new empowered and loving foundation.
Returning to your deeply raw and honest story today has given me so much more insight into certain experiences in my life and how the young woman I was at that time begin to change as a result to accommodate what I ended up holding within my body. I have found, like you, that anything traumatic held within will eventually find its way out physically in one form or another but unless the initial trauma is healed the physical symptoms will continue, often increasing in severity. So thank you for your inspiration to be open to the healing process, whatever form it takes.
What an honest account of the arrangement between an abuser and the abused. Never do you read or hear of the abused actively seeking the attention – this gives a whole new perspective and understanding of what’s going on in these situations. When you read this there is a strong sense of the pull and being caught in an energy on both accounts.
This is profound, talking about the energy of sexual abuse, you can clearly see how many of us are impacted and part of it, not just this who have physical encounters, I have memories as a child of feeling this force and imposition on me and feeling both scared and stimulated by it, around certain people and it makes so much srnsescwhat you share – Thank you.
This sharing shows to me that we have such a huge responsibility to our children. It is up to me as a parent to truly allow my children to feel that they are met and seen for who they are, as well as any other child I may come into contact with. Parents get ‘busy’ with their own dramas, and then what loving reflection are they giving their children? There is an opportunity here to not add to the abuse in the world through how I am a parent.
Reading this has given me a far greater understanding of the energy of abuse and what you have so openly shared really shows that we do know what we are choosing even when we are as young as 5 years old.
The detailed description you gave of the abuse is very revealing of why and how abuse occurs. For instance how you remembered the moment you let the abuse into your body (before it even physically happened). It is these understandings that show how we have always a part to play in abuse, because we do choose it, it can not just happen to us if we are really knowing how beautiful we are. And this shows what is so very untrue in our society. The fact that children can grow up not knowing how deeply amazing and gorgeous they are. We can all play our part in this to learn to love ourselves deeply and so support everyone else to do so too.
An incredible sharing and one so many will be able if they are honest, to relate to. For we all enter into situations we know aren’t right, thinking it’s ok and we can handle what comes. What we don’t see is how beautiful, precious and sweet we are and how deeply looked after – and that if we have an intuition not to do something it surely is there for a reason. We learn the hard way till we listen. Thank you Anonymous.
The simple truth you live is we just want to return to the truth that love is our natural and not abuse.
Wow this is such a deeply powerful sharing that takes the victim out of the situation and shows the energy at play in this dynamic. It also shows how important it is to connect to our kids – to confirm who they are so they don’t feel they need to get attention in the wrong places. To be able to acknowledge the responsibility we have with ourselves and each other is huge. Especially when it comes to debasing the picture of a victim.
Thank you of being so open and vulnerable in your sharing. I am deeply touched by your honesty and self awareness, tenderly given to us on these pages. You are a sublime example of a person who has liberated themselves out of misery and who is returning back to know their love once again. You are someone who is an inspiration for all people of all situations, because although the intensity of abuse may vary, I can certainly relate to situations when I accepted some form of abuse for the sake of attention – even if it was just a tone or a look – the need to be accepted was huge enough to override what was felt in the body as true.
” the root of our hurts is in this ‘not being met by ourselves’ in the first place. ” I agree Richard. A child connected to their innate being-ness, meets people with openness, joy and love. Then life changes us and we drift away from this pure quality, separate from ourselves and each other. It is a tragedy. Once on the path of return we re-unite to our innate essence: love harmony and beauty.
How complex abusive relationships are. We learn from this honest sharing how both parties contract into them and how the wheel of karma plays out in present life.
It is quite horrifying what can happen with our children if we have a bad relationship as a couple without us realising what is happening.
We have to be gracious to our body when it shows a clearing through any illness or disease, as that is what it truly is, a clearing of the energies that do not belong to the body but we have let in out of a need for recognition or reward.
Yes – a reminder to deeply cherish and honour our body – no matter what.
What may seem obvious but is pertinent in this blog is the connection between physical illness and ailments, and emotional hurts and abuse. It is amazing that our body shows us so much, and does its very best to clear hurts, abuse, emotional reactions in life – and so often we can be impatient with our body when we get sick or skin conditions etc. I love how honest the body is – and whilst this can feel confronting at times – my body is the only thing in life that consistently shows me how I am living.
Your are pertinent right Jane, in saying that our bodies are showing us constantly that we are living. And to me we need to be more appreciative to the body that gives us this physical experience in life in which we are given the opportunity to reconnect with our soul through the universal connected body we inhabit.
Your openness and transparency in the sharing of your experiences, anonymous is incredible. To bring so much understanding to what happens for those who are continually abused and their part in the experience, to me, feels ground breaking along with the understanding of why, in the craving of being met. Thank you for sharing.
Serge knows humanity so well, our psychology, physiology, illnesses and diseases. It is no wonder that we find understanding of what is going on for each of us when we listen to him present, the human condition is no mystery to Serge, this is why he strikes a chord in every on of us.
An incredible journey of healing and understanding of sexual abuse Anonymous. What you’ve shared will hugely support people who have been through similar abuse. It is a deeply honest, open and inspiring blog. What you’ve highlighted here is that when we play the victim or go into blame, it doesn’t support us to heal. It is when we are willing to take responsibility for our choices and embrace love that healing naturally occurs.
There are so many levels of abuse and self abuse from the gross to the most subtle. This is a beautiful and honest account of taking responsibility for being love and not accepting anything less than that from the world.
This is the first account of sexual abuse I have ever read where the abused takes responsibility for their part in the abuse and does not stand there as a victim – this can only come with a deep understanding of themselves and the abuser. Credit to you Anonymous for going there.
It is an amazing account of the journey out of the cycle of abuse, written with great understanding and honesty, a story that deserves wide reach as it very much supports others that find themselves in this form of relationship.
Yes, it is quite a role model.
I had a number of long term medical conditions, and, anxiousness, panic attacks, restlessness and I searched high and low as an adult to solve these – I was a spiritual new age tourist at one point and tried many different therapies as well as sitting on the side of a mountain in Nepal mediating for two weeks – none of which did anything to resolve my medical conditions or the underlying emotional turmoil I was in, in fact, looking back, they exacerbated some symptoms e.g. I got tireder and more exhausted. Not until I met Serge Benhayon did I realise firstly that my health is in my hands (and it had to start by me taking responsibility for the way I was living my life), and, in that I also sought support from the esoteric healing modalities, which did support me – more so because I was gradually looking deeper and deeper at the way I had been living my life, and realising my part in things – e.g. in emotional hurts, and issues I had had in the past in life. It is never too late to start – I was in my mid 40’s and have turned my life around since then – and there is more to go.
The glorious thing about life is that there is always ‘more to go’. Life is a never ending, forever expanding range of infinite possibilities, how incredible is that? But knowing that it also makes me realise how much we have limited life. We have trussed it up and cordoned it off in such a way that it is permanently limited. We pat ourselves on the back for what we perceive as our ‘new inventions and innovations’, totally ignoring the fact that nothing in this world is new, grander versions of everything already exist in other parts of the universe. My word we really are under so much self imposed illusion.
Incredible to realise that the energetic truths described here apply to all forms of abuse. When I look back over my life I can see I have played an equal part in every abusive situation that has played out. A bit of an ouch but also very empowering as once we accept this we need not be affected by abuse again.
Your story is a healing for so many besides your self. You have opened up and dissolved so many myths about abuse. You have provided proof there is light at the end of the tunnel without shame or sense of recrimination.
Well said Anonymous and Steve. This story has so much clarity, transparency, openness, in it – it offers the reader clear insight into abuse, and that we all have a responsibility in the way our lives play out. It also offers inspiration that there is another way – an it is never too late.
Many stay a victim to their circumstances, we cannot truly heal until we look at our part in what happened and take our responsibility, as you have clearly expressed in this blog.
I am blown away by your story Anonymous. Your honesty and clarity is stunning. This is a story that would support many many others to learn, understand and heal – not just in relation to sexual abuse, but all forms of abuse. I take my hat off to you anonymous – I am deeply deeply inspired.
The beauty about Serge Benhayon is that what he says and lives not only makes so much sense and explains everything that is going on with us and in the world but it works, and it works for everyone. The power of self-love and self-care is hugely potential and encompassing.
This such a powerful insight of sexual abuse and the complexities involved though, as you share, it is the need fof attention from the child that that the abuser feeds upon. How much abuse could be prevented if children were met, acknowledged and given the attention they require for who they truly are?
Where feeling a victim ends and living a life for one self (and the all) starts; ‘It was only when I started to take responsibility for where I could be more loving in my own way with myself and others that I started to feel a shift and feel empowered that I could say ‘no’ to abuse in my life.’
Yes this is definitely a very powerful and empowering shift: it is also the beginning of true, deep and meaningful healing.
This is a phenomenal piece of writing, covering aspects of the relationship with abuse and the abuser, in a way that has not been personally shared and understood before. There is no way I could sum this up (other than a modern day miracle) but these two sentences go a long way towards it; “without an understanding of energy and of the beauty I truly am and come from, I couldn’t have integrated all these practical life changes. Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine, provided the reflection that reminded me of why I am deeply worthy of being cherished and loved.”
Not identifying with victimhood does not take away or belittle the severity of the abuse but sets us free to truly address and heal the momentum of our choices, past and present.
What an amazing revelation here about abuse – that there are no ‘victims’ but that we all have a part in the responsibility for everything that happens.
I love how you clearly define the difference between blame and responsibility and your healing did not begin until you took responsibility for yourself, through taking care of yourself as the number one priority. To fully understand the responsibility we have in any given situation and to still loving ourself fully and without reserve, is a natural way of living many of us have forgotten, yet you have remembered and now also lead the way along with Serge Benhayon, as what you have learnt is in your body and emirates out in each and every movement all in the world.
I also love how you define how you were also an active member in the abuse as the abuser as this was also my experience with different forms of abuse. This is why traditional counselling can offer only relief and not long lasting results as Universal Medicine does. Counselling always wants a straight out victim and a straight out abuser and this is not humanly possible with long term abuse (or any abuse) as we form strong relationships with our abuser and form ways of associating/communicating with each other. And then if we look a little further the instigator of the abuse has normally also suffered abuse in the past, so it is a cycle we can enter into if we do not love ourselves enough to so no and not join the game.
Awesome post full of Love and commitment, my heart holds you dearly and cherishes the beautiful woman you are today, Your Awesome, a total inspiration, thank you.
I have learned so much from this blog, a much deeper understanding on what is going on for someone who is being sexually abused and why and what the ramifications are. In this blog it is clear that the underlying energy in how we feel about ourselves or how we are with ourselves needs to be healed. This can happen only when we connect to our essence and who we are, for then we can feel our choices that take us away from this. It also shows how powerful the Esoteric Healing modalities are, but also the power of our own choices. Thank you.
In many situations in life, we can spend our lives disempowered and made to feel the victim of life, leaving us with nowhere to go. When we are supported to take responsibility, it is like being set on our feet and given permission to move on and no longer be identified
It was an extra-ordinary read – I have not read anything to this extent like this before. It is truly amazing how receiving true healing has had the effect of miracles. You can watch movies themed in this horror and abuse, but I have never read anything as a reality especially the author taking full account and responsibility for all the events. A few things to note to quote “nothing less” – “Serge Benhayon’s presentation was life changing, nothing less.” and “Nothing is random.”
We can get so entangled in a way of life that is abusive and harmful to our being just because we do not feel met at the deepest of our being. But as being shared in this blog, it is us first that does not want to look deeper and take the responsibility to heal that hurt we have developed from not meeting ourselves in essence in the first place.
Wow I am deeply inspired by your complete honesty and the utmost responsibility you have taken for your life. One thing I’ve also learnt from Serge Benhayon is that no matter what happens I need to take responsibility for my part in it, we can never blame another person and there is no such thing as a victim – this is my life and I define what happens in it.
I agree Meg – and unless I look at my part in a situation, and take responsibility, the issue comes up again and again, if not in the same way in other ways – so until we truly take responsibility for our part in things, the deeper rooted issue festers to rise up and give us another opportunity to look at it again and again. This can sometimes feel like we are a victim because it ‘keeps happening to us’ but what if it ‘keeps happening to us’ as a blessing so we can heal it rather than as a curse.
This story is so huge – it allows me to deeply understand how there is no such thing as a victim and that everything is an energy we buy into.
This blog is groundbreaking, in what it presents about abuse and how it can be healed. To get an understanding as shared here that it’s never as simple as those abused being victims (while fully holding any abusers to account), in seeing how they took part and how in that they can find a way out of the cycle of abuse is huge. As is so beautifully shared here, there is a very big difference between blame and responsibility, the first is a dead end, while the second allows everyone to take charge of how they feel, how they live and in doing so allows for the possibility of true healing.
I agree this blog is ground-breaking, it gives a whole new perspective and understanding on abuse and on breaking the cycle of abuse – the depth of honesty is astounding.
I agree Monica, Meg – Ive never read a blog about abuse like this one, it opened my eyes, and deepened my understanding. There is a place for more blogs like this. Thank you Anon.
A deeply transformational sharing. This totally shows to me what is behind abuse and how it isn’t just about the person but it is a hooking energy that draws in both the abused and the abuser. What a massive sharing this is, but at the same time, a tremendous support for anyone in this sort of situation. Energy helps us understand the most complex of stories and being able to be honest about this is a true healing to the body.
The way in which this blog was written without the usual shame or guilt from someone who experienced that level of sexual abuse is truly astounding in and of itself. What also occurred to me while reading it was how the use of pornography in my life was somehow linked to not wanting to feel the level of disconnection and disharmony in our family and was used to relieve the tension of feeling unaccepted by the world for who I truly was. The level of raw honesty and courage in writing this blog touched me deeply and is really inspiring and makes so much more sense than the usual victim/perpetrator model espoused by many mental health clinicians. It empowers the experiencer of the abuse to end that cycle through the understanding that we are responsible for all our choices and the outcomes that come from them.
This is truly amazing as I can relate to a lot of what you said. Putting ourselves in abuse feels even more familiar than taking care of ourselves for the attention we are seeking. I can recount many situations as such. The idea of karma has also popped up for me just yesterday and it is very healing to recount and nominate all this and to come back to a deeper understanding. Episodes that reflect strong sexual energy make me feel very uncomfortable and I did not know why before, but now I understand it reflects back to me choices I did not want to face, but I am also deeply appreciating that I have the choice to express in love.
I imagine it took a lot of courage to write this, and share it with the world. Thank you for doing so as the world needs to know this.
The scary thing is here that we, as human beings, are able to continue to go back and seek the abuse even though we now it’s not right.
What a journey Anonymous! This was incredibly honest and at times difficult to read. Thank you for really opening up and giving us a very real picture of the cycle of abuse. Your healing is inspiring.
Most people with your story go on to become drug addicts, work in brothels and sell themselves to the bone for any form of relief possible. This is the case study we need to see in the science/psychology magazines.
Abuse is indeed different as society sees it, where the this a bad guy and good guy. It is game people play, with a contract they both agree on.
There is such a clarity and openness in everything you have written and for me it makes clear how complicated abusive relationship are and that we as a society are not yet willing to hear about the contract between abuser and the so called victim. Your sharing about your true healing is equally important and will be of benefit for a lot of people who are ready to be honest about their choices.
A truly amazingly honest sharing. The fact that you share some of the responsibility of your experiences and haven’t painted yourself a victim, whilst being understanding about the choices you made, is quite something. The fact that your body has healed to the extent it has and that you are no longer relying on drugs or alcohol to see you through, is truly miraculous. For those that are seeking healing from abuse – this is a must read. Thank you for sharing.
This is so deeply profound that it’s almost hard to believe. The change in you and your life Anonymous is nothing short of miraculous. It’s challenging to read about such abuse but what is so extraordinary is your understanding and reading of the situation, that you can feel your responsibility in the abuse as well as clearly knowing you were not to blame. This might be hard for someone who has identified themselves as a victim to read about, but regardless of this I feel your story needs to be widely heard.
As Serge Benhayon playfully points out at times, he has no qualifications except being an excellent ex- tennis coach. So how is it possible that he understands the underlying issues and interactions in abuse, better than any psychologist etc? It is because he understands energy, and he is able to share what he reads energetically with people, rather than try to help or fix them from theoretical knowledge. He holds each person as whole and complete, regardless of what they have experienced. This is the most healing thing any person could want.
Thank you for having the courage to so honestly and openly share your experience with us. You have given us a deeper understanding of the world of abuse, and how important it is for the child to be truly met by their parents for who they truly are. An amazing healing claiming and learning you have come through to now live the love you truly come from.
Re-reading this, I’m struck in the opening paragraph, how much of a child experience of life goes unnoticed by parents. And yet as parents it is our responsibility to sit down and talk to our children about their world, feelings and experiences so they never feel isolated, unsafe or needy..
This is a good point to highlight Kehinde, and not in a judgemental way. Our parents do have a responsibility to care for us yes, and one could argue that asking questions and being interested in how we feel is one of them, however I remember as a child keeping things to myself because I didn’t want to worry anyone. It takes a parent to have the courage to break away from their own experience of being parented – what they know – and follow what they feel, their impulses and tear up the rule book. All a child needs is love. Anything that isn’t this will blind us as parents to what is truly going on in our children’s lives.
I don’t think I have ever read something written on this topic that carried that level of healing and understanding in it. Thank you for that gift as I will be able to bring more understanding to the harm that comes from not being met by our parents. Not everyone will have the extreme that you did but the pain and longing for acceptance and recognition is still there.
A rare and deeply honest account of the dynamics of the relationship between sexual abuser and abused. This was brought home to me in a radio interview with a mother who discovered her husband had been sexually abusing their daughter since childhood. Interestedly her role in what happened was not explored all we learn is that she was a busy career woman who frequently travelled abroad. The young child and her feelings was not explored at all, but it is quite likely that she, in the absence of her mother, sought attention and closeness from her father. All emphasis was placed on the actions of the ‘perpetrator’ the father, described as manipulative and controlling. By the time the abuse was discovered, the girl was in her teens and a co-dpendency had developed between father and daughter, to the extent she protected her father against the mother. In this version of sexual abuse, and difficult as it may be to accept, what happened is not solely about seeing abused child as victim. If we’re all responsible for what happens in our lives, we must also accept that each person contributed to what happened; mother, father and child.
“Later those feelings of ‘wanting it’ or craving the attention, led to feelings of guilt.” I have never read such real and in-detail blog about a topic like this. It really explains why people would ‘seek’ abuse and then later feel guilty about seeking the abuse because you hear that a lot.
Thank you for sharing your story with such openness and care so that it can inspire deeper awareness and understanding in others.
Staggering that such a high proportion of humanity has suffered abuse. The figures seem to be rising on a daily basis.
And the deep level of healing, settlement and empowerment offered by Serge Benhayon is exceptional and has helped so many people turn their lives round.
It is clear that there is much in the teachings of Universal Medicine that is missing from the current medical and support systems, and that it would be enormously supportive to humanity if what is offered is studied and applied.
What an amazing turnaround and healing. The deep understanding you share of you and all that happened and your dedication to healing is inspiring – no matter where we’ve been we can come back and the loving support you received from Serge Benhayon shines through. What a gift you both are.
These wise words that Serge Benhayon shared with you are words for all of us. “Live and work simply until you get to know you and don’t put yourself or your body into any relationship that you are not absolute about.” To have had someone share this wisdom with me at a young age would certainly have been the light I was looking for to heal the abusive life that I was living. But I have discovered that it is never too late to make self-loving choices in our lives and from those choices the change that unfold is, in my experience and in yours, nothing short of amazing.
Thank you for sharing your insight into abuse. I could relate to your comment about blame and how no healing or change occurred until you stopped blaming and started to take responsibility for your part in it. I feel this is key for all of, as blame is a way to avoid seeing what we need to see in order to grow.
How powerful is the realisation that karma is not a ‘getting of what you deserve’ but a rebalancing and an opportunity to take responsibility for past choices, let them go, heal and move on. Incredible story and deeply inspiring. Thank you Anonymous.
Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal experience so honestly. It’s amazing that you’ve been able to heal from those early years of abuse. It’s incredibly inspiring to read about your commitment to your own responsibility and that you’ve chosen not to hold on to blame, which would no doubt have seen you have a very different life now.
Thank you Anonymous, I am in awe of your eloquence and willingness to share your story for the benefit of all. A revolutionary sharing.
The interaction of the abuser and the abused is both complex and yet simple in energetic terms. This blog is quite incredible in how it has allowed you to see what was at play for you, to express it, to bring it up and out of your body, and ultimately heal it. Incredible.
This blog has the power to support so many who have experienced such traumatising abuse, well done for sharing!
Recently going back over a pathogens course this blog expands what causes illness and disease much wider than what is currently accepted. What we energetically and emotionally take on from others also has an affect on our health in massive ways.
Yes, it just shows how damaging it is to us physically when we do not consider ourselves as multi-dimensional beings and that everything matters – not just the physical interactions we have.
Being honest with ourselves gives us a relief from all of the lies we could be living in, the tangled web of ifs and buts that seem to be taking hold of us so strongly sometimes.
I love how Serge Benhayon’s teachings and support empowers us to connect to our inner awareness about our own experiences and to deepen our understanding and relationship to the whole of life.
I was struck by the powerful yet simple observation that “At the time I felt like I had him wrapped around my little finger yet at the same time I felt manipulated by him. The contract of abuse between us was more complicated than people like to understand.” This is huge. Thank you Anonymous for the deep honesty with which you have shared about the abuse you experienced in your early years as well as offering us your understanding and insights. What a gift for anyone who has similarly experienced abuse, to read the insights you have offered.
This level of understanding of the dynamics of abuse ought to be a foundational requirement from all those engaged in supportive roles to people who have been in abusive situations.
Anonymous, this blog is delivered without blame or judgement, which is powerful and deeply healing in itself.
The changes you have made area living testimony as to how our lives can turn around once we return to the innermost essence, equally present within us all.
I agree Stephanie and what is incredibly inspiring is the level of responsibility that Anonymous has taken. Anonymous really understands the part that they played in the abuse but there is no hint of them beating themselves up, only of them simply understanding the mechanics of what took place. Very inspiring indeed.
It’s interesting, I have not experienced physical abuse like this however at the age of 15 I started a relationship with somebody who was quite a few years older than me. I didn’t want to do any of the sexual stuff, however I went along with it just so that I could keep his attention. I would write silly status’ just so that I could get his attention, I didn’t want to have sex with him, so I used to say that he can sleep around if he likes and we can still be together… to me this shows just how desperate I was for attention, how much I craved a man’s touch. Reflecting on it, it feels horrific and deeply saddening. Thanks to Serge and Universal Medicine, I love myself WAYYY more than that now and cannot see allowing this level of abuse into my life ever again.
Where do I start? This is quite enormous what you have delivered here and with no blame or judgement, it gives an opportunity for many to heal just by reading what you have expressed. While reading this ‘He spoke about how if parents aren’t really meeting their child, and the child is not being confirmed in how beautiful he or she is, the child will crave that attention’ what I got was … how important is it for us to all meet and love not only ourselves but others as if we truly did this would it not reduce abuse? If we were truly met we would immediately feel the incredible harm any form of abuse brought to either ourselves or others and we would certainly not seek attention outside of ourselves. I feel there is much more to write here but for now this is all there is to express. Thank you.
Yes it certainly ups the ante on what we are offering our kids in our parenting, but then as you say Vicky – it can equally be applied to any relationship you have with anyone. Are they allowing abuse because there is not real love in their lives, and do we offer them something that is whole, real, true which can act as a marker of what is a real relationship? If we aren’t then why not?
We can only meet another once we have truly met ourselves. And by going deeper and deeper into our connection with ourselves, we ultimately end up meeting God. And so when we truly meet another, we act as a portal for God, there ends up being no ‘us’. And this is where we’re all headed/returning to, to all being portals for God, so that all we see everywhere is the reflection of God.
What an incredible read from one beginning to end. Your journey anonymous is a powerful one that speaks volumes of how we can stop being victims to the abuse when we call out the part we play and how this too can be healed. Choosing to come to understand the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, is the marker of how far we can heal and the potential we then have, to write these blogs of confirmation and renewal.
Incredible, thank you anonymous for being so honest and sharing your experience, your willingness to go there and truly understand what went on and the reason this happened to you is very inspiring.
Your journey is testament to the true healing that can occur when we let go of blame. Awesome blog.
This is such an amazing sharing … I love the distinction here between blame and responsibility and how yes there is blame with an abuser, it really does nothing to support the abused truly, and it’s only when they look at how they are responsible for what is happening in their live and can see that there is so much more going on, that they can find a way forward to truly heal. There is so much more to life than we can see and when we bring that energetic understanding in, we get a fuller clearer picture of what is at play. To hear from someone who has truly healed their abuse is stunning and deeply inspiring, and shows that no matter where we’ve been we can heal and live deeply loving and fulfilling lives.
Yes Monica, you’re 100% right – also, this blame does not help the abuser either.
such an incredible blog, which is taking many points that aren’t talked about to the fore, sharing that which will bring true healing to us all.
This contribution on sexual abuse dares to go where not many, and that includes counsellors and psychologists, dare to go – it lifts the yoke of victimhood, exposes guilt and complicity, shines a strong light on the physical and emotional turmoil and suffering, the devastation and last not least, the root cause of this particular entanglement. Thank you for bringing this to the world.
This blog is one that may just be before its time. We as a society are still caught up in the blaming game with a total lack of responsibility for ones own actions and behaviours.
What an honest and open account of child abuse, which totally turns things on its head with regards to the current perception we have of the abused and the abuser. When you think about the amount of children who are not met by their parents and then go on to crave attention from anyone, it’s easy to then see how the abuser can step in and fill that void. From reading this blog it is clear to see that there is much we do not know about child abuse, and that’s why more accounts like this are needed.
Thank you, the openness with which you write is remarkable and gives the reader a true insight into the complicated relationship between the abuser and the abused and how it is far too simplistic (and convenient for many) to paint the latter as purely a ‘victim’. Your willingness to take responsibility for your part is inspirational and the healing that you have experienced demonstrates clearly that it is possible to move on from abuse and have the meaningful relationships that we are all looking for in life.
Thank you for this very profound blog on abuse. I was really struck by the advice given to you by Serge Benhayon –“Live and work simply until you get to know you and don’t put yourself or your body into any relationship that you are not absolute about.” It is so practical yet it contains within it everything that was needed for healing to occur. The more we honour our bodies the less likely we are to abuse it or allow another to abuse it.
What strikes me most with this account is how much we become acclimatised to abuse to the extent of seeing it as the norm. Often it will be our bodies that finally pull us up, as they struggle to cope with the effects. Serge Benhayon’s teachings of the Ageless Wisdom renews our moral compasses and opens up a way for us to navigate our way out of abuse and to restore our strong inner knowing of love, respect and responsibility both within ourselves and every single relationship in our lives.
This is a very powerful blog, thank you deeply for sharing with complete openness and a very personal story which will bring insight and understanding to many and also a way of healing, a very deep healing, where we become responsible for our healing and not be a victim to the abuse, if we remain the victim of the abuse how can we then bring true healing. I am not saying abuse is ok. Abuse is not acceptable as it harms another to the depth of their being. It is not only the physical abuse that harms, but the energetic imprint which is left in the body of another who has been harmed. But what i am saying that we can heal from the abuse, if we take responsibility for our healing. As you have shared Anonymous and as this anonymous also has deeply healed from long term sexual abuse by taking responsibility to all that is looked at in the healing process. Now the sexual abuse is an old memory with no influence over me, no hold over me. I now live the lived wisdom of a very empowered woman where abuse has no place in my life.
This is an incredible account of abuse, completely far removed from any victimhood. It could be hard for someone who had not experienced abuse to write from this angle, as there is a strong pull to see abuse victims as having no part. In fact very controversial to suggest such a thing. Yet in the concept of karma, and energetic laws of cause and effect as taught in the Ageless Wisdom, this story makes perfect sense. If we are to get to the heart of the matter, why people are drawn to abuse we do need to go deeper in reading why it is attractive to do so and how this can be healed.
Such a powerful and honest sharing. It breaks so many beliefs and concepts we have around abuse and for me it is a game changer in order for true healing to occur. One of the most powerful lines I read was “…there is a big difference between blame and responsibility.” We are so scared to even think or consider that there is more going on than just one person abusing the other. We are very scared to think that the one being abused also has a role to play in this. This does not make the abuser one iota less responsible, contrary we will have a bigger picture of what is happening and it’s actually how we can help people that have suffered from abuse to heal. Like you say no therapist could help you heal what was buried in your body but with a greater knowledge of why it happened you could move on instead of coping with all that you felt for the rest of your life.
There was no mistake that what was presented was what you needed to hear. I have had many moments at Universal Medicine events where this has happened, nothing is nothing. Your life experience would be life changing for many to read. Serge Benhayon brings it all back to our own choices and the part we play in all situations. Incredible healing can happen when responsibility is taken and lived.
Thanks for sharing a very honest and personal story on sexual abuse with such an amazing amount of healing that you have done, due to you choosing to want to truly heal. This is true healing, through understanding the choices and momentums running part in it all and is testimony to the amazing works of Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom Teachings.
This gives us an in depth understanding of abuse and how we can become complicit in an abusive relationship, whatever its nature. Thank you Anonymous.
Thank you anonymous for the personal sharing, your honesty and level of responsibility is very much appreciated.
“Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine, provided the reflection that reminded me of why I am deeply worthy of being cherished and loved.” Clearing the poison of abuse from our body, whatever shape it comes in, is to live the love that we truly are.
This is a very honest and courageous contribution, thank you for shedding such a clear light on sexual abuse. You write about “the contract of abuse”, and that is revolutionary when it comes to truly understanding the relationship between the ‘victim’ and the ‘perpetrator’. And it opens up the way to true healing rather than just managing or relieving the trauma, as welcome as that initially is, of course. The way you relate your story made it clear to me that both sides, the ‘victim’ and the ‘perpetrator’ are in truth victims of the lovelessness that we have all allowed to infect us and freely fester.
Thank you deeply for the openness with which you have shared your experiences, your healing and your insights, offering all of us the opportunity to deepen our understanding and awareness of the dynamics involved in abuse. How awful to be in a situation where there is no clarity or light shed on what you have experienced and even the counselors simply drummed into you that you were a victim. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine modalities that provide immense support for expanding our awareness of a bigger picture, that help build an understanding of the various factors at play including our own part, and that inspire us to deepen our appreciation, love and care of ourself. I have personally found this invaluable and it is wonderful reading how this has helped you heal the memory of abuse and its impact in your body.
Came back to your blog today and what really stood out for me is the line about blame and responsibility, and a light bulb went on. Of course you cannot be blamed for what went on, but you can take responsibility (which you so gracefully, courageously and honestly did) for your part in it. I saw that blame (be in upon yourself or on others) keeps us trapped in the cycle, but responsibility sets us free.
Thank you Anonymous, you have cracked open the most mis-understood of behaviour through your very honest sharing here. Why do we keep going back and keep subjecting ourselves, seemingly willing so, to abuse when we know in our bodies that it is not the love we are truly seeking? What is very impressive here is that this is not about blaming anyone, but it is about exposing the consequences of our behaviours and choices, the quality of parenting and the quality of relationships we settle for as a result and the show stopping, life changing awareness and understandings that Serge Benhayon delivers. Serge’s candid presentations exposes the fact that we are never victim to anything, we simply make choices based on a lack of love and appreciation and his truth and honesty changes people’s lives forever. This immense understanding and awareness has empowered many people, you and me included to heal deep scars that otherwise felt irreparable and have restored our sense of self worth beyond measure, re-connected us to our purpose and responsibility and given us back the tools to truly address behaviours that in the past were beyond our comprehension.
This is a very honest and informative sharing of abuse and the true depth and understanding from it that is unheard of before, but with the love of Serge Benhayon and his depth of understanding and wisdom all is explained, understood and allows true healing to occur. An amazing insight of our responsibility for our own lives and the depth of love we all are and thus when we are not met with this love are searching for.
This blog totally takes the legs from under the victim way of thinking, and goes against all types of counselling currently on offer. Had the presentations by Serge Benhayon not been true for you Anonymous, you would have been out of there like a shot but instead you could feel the truth as though he was speaking directly about your situation – this is a common experience whilst listening to Serge.
This is a truly remarkable account of abuse. Thank you Anonymous, so much for sharing. You bring profound insight to the underlying cause of abuse when you write, “the child’s need to be met can be so great that it can be greater than the danger the child feels from the abuser, to the point where he or she will knowingly choose the abuse.”
Thank you for such an open and frank sharing of your experience. You bring great insight to a complex scenario that, as you share, is not generally understood or appreciated and by doing so you help not only other abused people but also most importantly those in positions of support.
This is also another testament to the depth of wisdom, love and understanding that Serge Benhayon brings to humanity.
This is a ground breaking blog which exposes that there is neither a victim nor a perpetrator, that both parties have a responsibility in how the abuse plays out.
What is presented here about abuse far surpasses any current sociological and psychological understanding of abuse. As a society we need to understand what happens when our parents do not connect with us when we are young. It affects us in the most profound ways and certainly shows us the importance of true connection.
This is such an amazingly honest and courageous article, thank you for writing it. I have not truly understood the complexity of an abusive relationship until reading this, and how you describe it is so clear and it also offers a path away from abuse to anyone who has been abused; if we just make the abused a victim we rob them of all possibility to heal, and we rob them of their power and choice; this is not in any way to let the abuser off the hook, they are and should be held to account for any abuse they do, but the broader understanding of the whole context of abuse offered here is what is missing in our approach to tackling abuse. Giving those who have been abused the understanding of their part and that there is no blame but just responsibility, this changes everything; they are empowered to make choices and not seen as robbed to choice (to do so actually perpetuates the abuse). Your courage in being willing to go there and unpick all your behaviours and allow your body to heal is inspiring beyond measure and as others noted I love that you share this without any shame or condemnation of yourself and with that I can feel you have absolutely healed the abuse. You are a role model for all of us in this, that no matter where we are or how we’ve been we can heal, we have a part to play and it is our choice.
I found your blog incredibly touching to read, what I experienced to be profound was how I felt in my own body with no sense of sympathy or blame for anyone involved. This is revelatory in the world today, considering this experience is about abuse. Thank you for sharing your experience with us all, you have certainly supported me to further understand abuse and the empowerment of self-responsibility.
What struck me about your article was the honesty in which you shared what has happened to you, as well as what your responsibility in it was. My question is how often are we honest about abuse and our part in it? Especially sexual abuse, it often stays under the carpet and is not talked about publicly and when it is, it is done in a dramatic and often accusing way. If we consider the whole and become truly honest, abuse has not anymore the chance to impose its force on us.
This blog is an amazing example of how healing responsibly can be. It completely breaks down any blaming or victim mentality. One that is very relatable, while not to such a degree as you’ve shared have experienced abusive relationships that have only and do only change when I claim my choices to be in the abuse and to allow it to continue.
When such sensitive subjects are approached from an honesty and openness it makes looking at abuse not so scary I feel, that it’s safe to go into such conversations as it need not be a blaming session or victimhood. All our situations in life can be understood and when approached as you’ve shared here there is a space for greater understanding, Thank you.
“Live and work simply until you get to know you and don’t put yourself or your body into any relationship that you are not absolute about.” – Many relationships are began because we feel we have meet our other half, the one that we felt loved and held by, meets our needs or who makes us complete. The invitation to get to know ourselves first and to not go into any relationships until this is absolutely clear is profound in its simple wisdom. The healing that has taken place in this blog and the honesty and responsibility you have lived Anonymous is inspirational but also life giving for all who read it. Thank you for sharing.
Anonymous your blog shows how it is possible to heal from the most horrendous experiences, for in fact our innermost being can never be abused and though the body suffers, once we reconnect to ourselves, we can let go of the energy that caused the experience in the first place because we know it is not who we are.
Your term ‘the contract of abuse’ shows the truth of the situation. We may feel we are a victim but at some level we play a part in it and have attracted the situation to us. Once we let go of blame and bring understanding to the situation we can see our part and take responsibility for it and then we can start to let go of what attracted that situation to us, which may even be an old pattern of lifetimes of abusing others. That doesn’t mean we excuse the perpetrator who needs to be called to account and that also frees us.
“It was only when I started to take responsibility for where I could be more loving in my own way with myself and others that I started to feel a shift and feel empowered that I could say ‘no’ to abuse in my life.” Once we feel love in our bodies anything that is not love shows up very clearly and we no longer fall for the trap of needing the attention that we get from abuse because we feel deeply nurtured and loved and are no longer dependent on getting it from the outside.
Anonymous – a heartfelt thank you for this powerful and candid blog exposing the complex layers there are in abusive situations. Bringing understanding and responsibility to your own part in it, has been key to the depth of true healing you have experienced. I feel neither blame nor being a victim in your writing and many will benefit from this blog.
“I could have run away, or screamed for my mum, but I didn’t: the need for attention trumped my fear and so the abuse began”.
I absolutely agree with you Anonymous about The Yoga of Stillness – a modality that has supported me to have a far greater awareness of my body and the innate stillness within. Over time, there has been a re-building of a solid and strong inner foundation which is a far cry from the constant up and down cycle I lived with before. “The Yoga of Stillness that is taught by Serge Benhayon has been amazing”.
I felt drawn to read this blog through several times and just feel the impact on my body. There have been several ‘ah ha moments’ which have brought a deeper understanding the need for recognition and attention from others when we feel so separated from significant others in our life and how this then runs us to find ways to ease the tension. Worth reading again with the sense of healing that is felt in my own body.
A deeply profound and groundbreaking piece of writing. I was mesmerised by your story and by how you told it – it moved me to tears.
I walked past yesterday, on my way to work, a group of individual who were very drunk and I felt their deep sadness of living that way because it is not who they truly are. I could see that they were trapped in whatever had happened to them, and in a perpetuating cycle that keeps them there. And even if they were receiving help (or even wanted it), I know that a lot of this help – despite its best intentions – does not truly get to the heart of what is going on.
That is what Serge Benhayon does. He gets to the heart of what is going on. And when he does that, he does it in such a way – with no blame, guilt, judgement or harshness – that you are then free to see the heart of it too, and your part in it, and then heal it from there. It is most incredible and your blog is a testament to that. He allowed you to see what you already knew, and with no judgement, you can take responsibility for your part, and heal the imprints/energetic footprint that is held in your body.
This is a story of an abuse, which I feel, more people experience than we know. It is so important to know that there is another way… Even if we have played ball with certain energies in our childhood, there is a way out by taking responsibility for our choices.
There’s a way out of everything. There is nothing that is too horrific to heal from, nothing. It is part of the grande illusion of life to believe that we can be crushed or destroyed by something, because in truth we are the eternal consciousness of God and that can’t be altered in any way, ever.
In what you have written there is no judgement, blame, anger, resentment or any other myriad of emotions. Instead I can feel a lightness and clarity, you feel whole. This is quite something from the abuse that you received to how you are now. Many people that have had this level of abuse as a child (or at any time in their life) tend to have many problems later in the form of mental health, emotional, physical, relationships etc. It is hard to read or hear how a child or anyone could on some level like this but I understand it is not the abuse but the attention that was craved. Which brings massively to focus then just how important our relationships and true connection is with each other and for this to continuously evolve and deepen. For parents, guardians or careers to truly meet, adore and cherish children and young people. Sometimes I feel the enormity of all the abuse that has gone on and does go on in the world, it can be overwhelming but we can turn this around, it can change and can be healed and you are a testimony to this. As is also how the Sacred Esoteric Healing modalities in truly supporting the body to clear what has been held onto that isn’t supportive or isn’t love. Thank you for writing this.
This account of sexual abuse is an incredible offering.
I am stunned by the compassionate understanding offered by the author. The honesty and deep understanding she gained through presentations by Serge and working with Esoteric Practitioners brings a clear perspective on the entire dynamic from the start of the abuse through the healing of it and is by far the most profoundly enlightening experience I have come across on the subject.
A powerfully healing account for anyone truly wanting to understand and heal from this kind of abuse for ages to come.
Interestingly I too had the nose bleeds which stopped when I got my period and I too carried a burden of feeling responsible for taking care of and protecting my parents and I also had heavy and painful periods which I now know were releasing and clearing me of the pressure and toxicity I had taken on.
It is my experience that only when we take responsibility can we move on and take command of our life again. And this is where a lot of support mechanisms fall short of the mark because they either concentrate on confirming the client in their victimhood or on persecuting the perpetrator. What is left out is the deeper understanding and the true healing that is available and very possible. The question is: are we ready for this level of responsibility? And are we ready for this level of freedom and ease in our lives?
What a powerful story of responsibility. Responsibility and love are what can heal us at the core.
I love the deep honesty in this blog. It’s amazing that you were able to see how the energy chosen lead to this terrible incident. This piece serves such healing to humanity, it’s beyond me!
A great account and by no means a heavy read, considering what was being spoken about. To most this is life changing alone. This blog shows that no matter the heading given, ‘we’ collectively always hold a part and in healing or becoming more aware of that part we are able to release these types of situations. The current counselling route is to have virtually two sides, victim and perpetrator. When you start speaking you are bundled into a category and given answers based on this. Like everything we need to support the person, truly support them and giving people answers without allowing them to get to there themselves will have them coming back every time. Serge Benhayon gives it back to people as it has been described here, he brings people to more awareness so they can choose how to walk out of any situation. He doesn’t leave their side, ever but consistently offers them a choice and confirms to them who they truly are. This turns most things on it’s head and as written here, when you walk the steps yourself with support you walk out, when you are told how to get out and what you should be doing you walk back in.
What an amazing story of healing and a revelation and revolution in how we understand abuse. Thank you anonymous for sharing your story with us all. There is a difference between blame and responsibility. When we blame the world or others for our problems or our situations, then we are choosing to not be aware of our part in events.
I love what is said here, that there is a difference between blame (which is a judgment of someone or something falling short of our expectations) and responsibility (which is a loving choice to accept our imperfections and learn from them). How often have we each heard – or said – something along the lines of ‘this is your fault; you are responsible for …’? Is it any wonder that the word ‘responsibility’ has come to have such a negative connotation?
This is possibly one of the most controversial and groundbreaking blogs I have ever read. I have been in many abusive relationships. I have been raped, sexually abused and put myself in many dangerous an abusive situations over the years. I have chosen to endlessly stay in toxic relationships or lust after those who sexually abused and used me.
I totally relate to not being a victim in all that occurred. The people that abused me were very damaged themselves and I do not excuse their behaviour for a second, but I cannot pretend I had nothing to do with it. There was a choice, I was looking for attention, in fact I was desperate for it, I was willing to accept it in any form it would come, like a life line. Thank you so much for being brave enough to address such a challenging issue, it is so needed to discuss these things in a public forum, it is very profound and I for one relate deeply to it.
What a powerfully revealing sharing on what is behind sexual abuse. This as you have experienced Anonymous turns the well-intentioned support and healing of sexual abuse on its head. I’m sure that there will be many that read this incredibly empowering and honest blog, change their whole view on what true healing is and have a deeper and spherical understanding of what is going on underneath the outer abuse.
This is such a powerful story — not an ounce of victimhoood, shame or blame but immense understanding as to what fuels the abuser and the abused. A huge testament to what Serge Benhayon offers to humanity — the depth of healing that is available is beyond measure.
The support that this article holds for those who have or are experiencing abuse is true, real and full of deep understanding. It is the understanding of why we choose what we do that gives us the freedom to change those choices.
True healing, feeling the responsibility and not playing the victim is beautiful to feel and gives me a much deeper understanding to support others too. I also love how you found true healing though the work of Serge Benhayon. Thank you for sharing such an incredible story.
It is an incredible story, not just for the details and events, but how this has been shared from total empowerment and self-responsibility. No blame, just total acceptance of choices and their outcomes. Thank you for delivering this with absolute transparency.
‘From abuse to love’… it will be difficult to find another story like this. May it inspire those who are ready to heal. We have been taught that there is a victim and a perpetrator. But this understanding does not allow for true healing and empowerment.
Thank you for the clarity you have brought to a life deeply driven and charged by what was going on around you and within you. Your insight and understanding of what true responsibility is, holds such clarity. I deeply appreciate the much bigger picture you have shared with us all understanding karma and its loving recipe of healing that is possible. The light and expansion you have brought to my world is deeply appreciated and I too, absolutely endorse the love and truth Serge Benhayon brings to us all no matter what experiences we have had or choices we have made.
I have never before read words from someone who has experienced such entanglements, that contain such clarity and deep acceptance. Thank-you for sharing this story of a life transformed at its very core – a restoration of love, known to the bone, and inspired by the love of a great man.
To read the depth of healing here expressed through meeting Serge Benhayon and equally realise their own part to play, or responsibility to take is head shakingly powerful. Many people who have experienced sexual abuse are told, like you were, that they are pure victims. It’s not a blame game, but as everything is because of energy (as Serge presents), nothing can ever be seen as random, dumb luck ever again. It is very beautiful to feel empowered in life, no matter what has happened to you, and Serge seems to do this for everyone, no matter their story.
An outstanding blog touching on the many taboos in society.
There is more than meets the eye.
I appreciate the courage it must have taken to write your story, explaining the complexity and dynamics of child hood abuse. Of equal importance is your journey back to yourself and the healing you have been opened to and are now living in your body. Your story is both horrific, amazing and very humbling to read. Thank you.
You have offered me a deeper and more profound understanding around the dynamics of abuse in your honest reflection of how it was for you. It is yet another powerful testament to the modalities of Universal Medicine that you found a pathway to healing, where other things on offer were not able to address so completely your situation nor offer a true way forward to healing.
This is huge, as in world shaking huge, in regards to changing the complete thinking process around abuse. Reading this blog has supported me with a greater insight into why and how we allow abuse in our lives. As Serge Benhayon has presented over the years, we have our bodies to support us in understanding our choices rather than using the mind to judge our choices, judgement that only fuels more ill, whereas understanding our choices allows us to feel them, let them pass and move on. Thank you.
A truly powerful and rebalancing sharing about the relationship we all have with abuse. You have so openly exposed the dynamic many are not willing to feel or see…that there is a vested interest in maintaining the abuse. This doesn’t diminish in any way the absolute horrific effects or indeed, excuse what has taken place, rather in fact it makes the abuse more understandable. Only through a willingness to understand abuse, abusers and their ‘victims’ do we cease the perpetuation of it and begin to truly heal. Thank you Anonymous, for sharing so intimately without any shame or sense of recrimination.
Thank you very much for this amazingly honest article. It provided a depth of understanding of the dynamics between abusers and abused which I have never been able to find anywhere else. From personal experience, I know how touching the presence of Serge Benhayon feels in my own body every time I meet him. It is as if in myself a door opens to a dimension of myself I had long forgotten. It is an experience of being supported to re-connect to Heaven and to the whole Universe and in that having a clear sense of being part of something so much bigger than the temporal world is wanting us to know about. Nowadays my life has a totally different foundation knowing that I am part of the All, that God exists and that everyone of us can come back to this deep knowingness within our own bodies.
Your story of your experiences gives a depth to understanding why we continue to choose abuse. Also to how true healing actually clears the abuse from the body and how this is necessary to be able to let go and move on. We cannot just clear it in our heads. I love the way that Serge was presenting exactly the healing you needed when you first attended. Thank you for sharing what humanity needs to hear and know that there is another way.
The depth of understanding you have come to from your healing process is profound. Thank you for sharing such powerful insight into abuse.
You have written a ground-breaking account of abuse Anonymous, that brings a depth of understanding that is very powerful and beautiful. Your account speaks volumes about the responsibility of parenting, the need of every child to be met and loved, the manifestation of physical symptoms as a result of emotional and physical trauma, the karma of abuse and the healing work of Serge Benhayon. This depth of understanding about the true causes of illness and disease is still in its infancy, but your sharing sheds much needed light on a difficult subject. Thank you.
I love how you expressed that Felicity, yes, the ‘law of rebalance’, rather than a punishment, that really makes sense to me. We know God is love, and does not judge, so he does not punish. But there are universal laws designed to bring us back to who we originally were, true Sons of God, and we need to rebalance ourselves by dealing with all the karma that we have accumulated over our many lives, so we can clear our bodies for the next step in our evolution.
Your article gives a personal experience and meaning to the how and why of abuse and also how to heal it instead of being perpetually in it. By seeing the truth of abuse commonsense prevails and humanity can heal this worldwide problem that is at the heart of disharmony.
The fact that this account is written without either a sense of shame or recrimination is a testament in itself. To read about the complex nature of abusive arrangements is , whilst no light read, incredibly revealing, Thank you for the willingness to expose every facet of your experience for us to better understand.
When we identify with being a victim, we render ourselves help- and powerless and seemingly thrive on the recognition the label brings us while shrivelling inside and not ever truly healing.
I agree Adam, much courage needed to write in this level of detail about the abuse this woman suffered as a child. I too feel the true liberation of watching a woman come to terms with her past and how she dealt with it- and how she now feels free of its stain. An amazing woman….
I love looking at karma as a law of rebalance, not as a punishment…. it’s incredibly important to understand there is love in everything, even if it doesn’t look like it. It certainly doesn’t make her suffering less awful, it simply makes it something she can understand.
Incredible story, profoundly shared, and one that obviously took much courage to write – and one perhaps society is not yet ready to hear – that we have a part to play in what happens to us. Serge Benhayon has often taught reincarnation and karma, as a teaching of responsibility, and certainly not judgement or condemnation. You are not punished for your actions from past lives. You experience them as a momentum of past choices, thereby giving you the opportunity to experience harms you once incurred upon another. Now you can argue that this explanation of life is not true, but you cannot argue that the philisophical teaching is harmful or based on judgement. It is a rather loving way to consider life, rather empowering for the “victim”, and it is a way of looking at life that truly makes sense of all that goes on, much more so than the disempowering observation that life is just all a random event. This is the true explanation of reincarnation and karma as presented by Serge Benhayon. It is a law of love and rebalance, not condemnation.
The choice to observe life and everything that is going on, to allow an unfolding understanding of the dynamics that brought it all about without dramatising, sensationalising or blame, to consider my part in it through my previous choice of thoughts, actions or inactions, as well as the awareness that within me I always have the power of turning round whatever life is showing me, are all the most sobering and empowering way of facing life. The fact that the teachings of reincarnation and karma taught by Serge Benhayon support and deepen such understanding, empowerment and responsibility is truly worth celebrating.
The way Serge Benhayon presents the big picture why people experience abuse, illness, death, makes sense if we are open to let go some ingrained points of view that society imposes on us. It is very loving way to see the effects of cause and effect, which can span multiple lives, being effectuated in this life.
As you state, “reincarnation is a law of love and rebalance, not condemnation”. And it is never a punishment (and neither is it a reward at the other end of he spectrum) but an opportunity to gain deep insight into a momentum we have carried over, possibly for many lifetimes.
Life, God whatever you call the bigger picture never punishes. Punishment is a man made practice that comes more often than not from a place of reaction and a lack of understanding. God never reacts and is permanent understanding.
Reincarnation is a Law of Love and karma is the way to re-imprint what we have polluted ourselves, the earth and existence with so that we emerge clearer and more loving in every way, as mirrored my nosebleeds, periods and in your case, the eczema.